Here's a weird story. And a true one.
This is a story about a hearing mother who gushed about her older deaf son who is profoundly deaf and wears a hearing aid. Nothing wrong about gushing with pride about your own kids. What mother who did not express pride about her own deaf child's accomplishments? But this story takes on a weird turn. A revelation into the psychological shortcomings or maybe a case of denial when this mother was confronted on providing proof of her claim about her deaf son.
This claim in question involves the use of a phone and how her profoundly deaf son can use it with his hearing aid on. This hearing mother actually bragged to another person that her deaf son can use the phone with anybody. The person in question expressed surprise and soon turn to doubt. Can he really be that good and freely converse and gab with anyone over the phone? The person in question with moderate hearing loss and wears a hearing aid asked if a phone call can be made to this deaf person so that they both can talk over the phone. The mother refused even though her deaf son is an adult. The person in question tried to be understanding requested than an email be exchanged with this deaf son so that he can make the decision to accept a future phone call or not. The mother refused to pass the word on to her son about the email address or the phone call deal. The story might be moot if the deaf son was not an adult and the mother refused for security reasons but in this case the deaf son is an adult and able to make his own decisions.
Now, is this me or is this is a case of a hearing mother who got caught in a lie (?) when asked for proof of her claim? Whenever a mother that does that does it also show that she is in denial of her son's hearing loss? Or maybe this is a case of an exaggeration gone to far when the deaf son can in reality speak (rather than listen actively, and converse freely) only with a few people the voices he'd recognize and respond in a limited fashion? My take? I think if a mother who does that has a few psychological issues and insecurity that need to be worked out and confronted once and for all.
Monday, August 02, 2010
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18 comments:
Some profoundly deaf can use the phone with HAs as long as there is a volume control and T-coil on the phone and they can benefit well with hearing aids.they can pick sounds easily with HAs and probably was aided early in life as well. Remember, everyone's hearing loss is different . One person's profound loss is not the same as the others. Although, one thing they do have in common is that it is they can hardly hear anything without hearing aids. I can do it with a few people, and my sister can do it. This doesn't mean we can hear everything, it just mean we are just very good at filling in the blank by using clue sounds and words we can hear.
As I understand the claim was that this person could speak and converse with anyone over the phone easily and understand the whole conversation, not just in bits and pieces for a profoundly deaf person. I mean really gab over the phone. I already understand one could selectively be able to converse with few a person they could understand and recognize the person's voice.
You should also add that the son's primary language is and always has been ASL. He is not oral deaf.
anon, that's not the issue here. It's a hearing mother's claim about his deaf son. Do not divert the issue here. This here has nothing to do with ASL, oral deaf and what not. It's the claim. Ok? Got it? Good.
I'm profoundly deaf and can use a land line phone with built-in volume control and HA with telecoil or a cell phone that can be used with a HA's telecoil or loop. I can understand most ppl on the other end of the line pretty well and can converse with them, but not ppl with strong foreign accents or who mumble on the phone. There's a limit to some recognition of vowels and syllables when a foreign accent or mumbling is involved.
Then again, I started lipreading and speech early, at age 2. Think that the age at which a profoundly deaf person picks up speech comprehension makes a difference on whether or not a profoundly deaf person can hear/speak on a phone. I once had a Captel phone, and actually got impatient with the slow captioning and gave that up. Captel works for some profoundly deaf ppl, but not for me.
Lol, my parents knew I had some kind of hearing loss, but didn't really understand the extent of the loss. Hearing ppl can never really know what "profound" loss is, never been there. Who are they really protecting, the child or themselves?
Ann_C
That's what I wonder. Probably themselves in order to protect some elements of the truth.
I have some friends who is profoundly deaf can talk over the phone very well. I know it may be difficult to believe but they've practiced at a young age.
I've sponsored Auditory Education Center in Atlanta, GA and they have trained children to listen rather than lipreading. They have been successful at it. It's amazing to see these children not reading lips with their profound hearing loss.
Russell
Perhaps, exactly what is the conversational level like? Is it mostly with people whose voice they can easily recognize or follow. I know about the early training in recognizing the spoken words and that's crucial. I've been a Domino's Pizza delivery person and manned the phones in taking hundreds of orders without any mistakes in getting the orders down right. Same when I was a manager for Domino's Pizza. I am more curious under what environment or circumstances in making this possible since the greater the hearing loss the harder it is to follow and understand words with a hearing aid.
It's possible the mom in question is lying...then again, we don't know that for sure do we?
I was born (assumed) with a moderate-severe hearing loss. Over the years, my DB level has actually gone down 20 db!!! I'm not sure what I'm classified as... but, I have used the phone all my life with my hearing aid, in fact I can use a regular analog phone without my hearing aid if there is a volume control! (not bragging here, just stating a fact) I have normal conversations (a bit of difficulty with low low bass voice), and if I don't understand, I'll ask the person to repeat, but for the most part...I can. Sometimes it is not about how much one can hear, but is more about how much one trains him/herself to LISTEN! ;)
There is a possibility that this mom is lying and if one accuses this mom of lying, I'd think this son would come to his mom's defense and make that call. What son wouldn't? ;)
If it's as you say, Mike, that the profoundly deaf son is now an adult, there's no way a profoundly deaf adult can "deny" that he's deaf. I mean, take the HA out and that person is deaf as a doorknob, that's the reality. Nobody can fool him into thinking he's as "hearing" as a hearing person. Ridikkulous.
Think it has more to do with the hearing mother's own perception of deafness in general, that her son's deafness reflects on her in a not so positive way. If he was not a successful "hearing" person, then that would have marred HER hearing world.
Take this scenario: the hearing parent chides her "successful" deaf adult son for not hearing someone talking to him and then attempts to make HIM apologize for not hearing that person. He turns around and tells her, "WTF? You want me to apologize for not hearing which is what I've always been and that it's my fault?"
The truth has a way of coming out in a zen moment. ;)
Ann_C
I think the point here is, if she's not lying, why isn't she willing to prove it?
So, the insinuation here is that the Mom is really exaggerating big time like most moms do...they're in denial about the truth?! (The son probably can use the phone but not as well as she says he can?) The dads tend to shy away from these things except when bragging about the size of fish(es) they caught that day? Where's the father in all of this? ;)
Perhaps, the Mom felt very embarrassed of her son's voice because the son has a thick voice......who knows? *OR* the Mom felt very embarrassed because the Son could not understand and hear the person's thick voice. She wouldn't admit it but she might be hysterical.
I thought the Mom is funny when she's exaggerating for over a little thing. I myself thought it's funny when the exaggeration comes up.
It always drives me up the wall when hearing parents of deaf children brag about their child's hearing/speaking ability. I always want to respond with "Congratulations! Your child has the ability of a parrot!" I'd have more pride if they could talk about their child like they would any other child. "She graduated with honors." "She manages three restaurants." "He has three beautiful children."
I've seen profoundly deaf people with assistive aids do rather well on the phone with limitations, like with familiar voices only or with limited communication options like pizza orders.
It can be true that some deaf function like moderately HOH under those conditions and give their parents cause for pride and bragging.
There have been times when I had my doubts (and concerns for the wholesomeness of the parent's perceptions.) But who am I to say?
Denial can be self-preserving...some people cannot handle the truth or else it affects their ability to relate to the person or to the rest of their family.
Maybe there aren't other things to brag about, or maybe for that parent, hearing is such a desirable goal in itself that it overshadows all else.
Well would you want some random guy that your mom met on the street calling you just to see if you could actually hear on the phone? (Okay, I don't actually know how they met since you left that part out). Maybe the mom didn't feel like she needed to prove anything, or maybe the son and mom don't have a very close relationship. The thing is, we don't know the circumstances surrounding it. I don't know that I would be inclined to prove how well I could hear on the phone just because someone didn't believe me.
Oh, and as for the fact about him being profoundly deaf- I guess it's possible that he can hear on the phone pretty well, or he just speaks rather than listens. Reminds me of a (true) story I heard about a CI surgeon telling an adult patient that there was no guarantee she would be able to use the phone with her CI. The patient was astonished, and didn't understand- she could use the phone perfectly fine now, why wouldn't she be able to with a CI? The doctor, seeing her very bad aided speech discrimination scores wondered how this was possible, and asked the family member with her how the lady turned on the phone. Turns out she would make a phone call, say everything she wanted the other person to know, and then hang up, as if it was a voicemail.
I'm deaf so cannot use a telephone under any circumstance except text, now, THAT is deaf !
I have to wonder how this mother knows her son can chat on the phone with 'anyone'?? Does she hear BOTH sides of the conversation when he's talking to friends? Family members tend to think we hear better than we do because we know their voices best.
Maybe mom is in denial and unable to accept the full scope of her son's hearing loss.
OTOH-- He's an adult and maybe he wouldn't want to have some stranger calling up just to verify he can use a phone. I mean, how awkward is THAT??
I guess we'll never know for sure.
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