I knew it was a matter of time until Ridor spilled the beans publicly about our low-keyed meeting during the NAD conference by saying I was never cordial during the meeting. But
Dave Evans being the neutral observer while he was there saw the whole thing. He can confirm on how the first initial meeting went. It was more than cordial on my part than anything else.
Now, I'm not surprised that Ridor chose to do this by letting everybody
know in his blog about this meeting that took place between us during the NAD convention in Palm Springs, California. I never once said a word publicly about this meeting until now. Though I am suprised it took him this long to come out and say that I wasn't the cordial person in this meeting. I was sure he would somehow twist this whole meeting to suit his own needs. However, I extended my fullest courtesy to him during our entire meeting with him. Yet Ridor choose to be dishonest in his attempt to paint me as a discourteous or uncordial person in this matter. Never mind the fact that *I* went out of my way on my *own initiative* to be
courteous and cordial as possible when I confronted him first.
I was respectful enough not to indulge this to the whole internet public because this was strictly a private affair between us that occurred on June 30, 2006. Even Dave Evans saw this as a private meeting between two individuals, too. But Ridor being Ridor choose
NOT to keep quiet. I knew it was a matter of time until Ridor tried to find a way to "inform" the readers on the very public internet on what may have happened. As usual, it didn't take long for him to let out his first peep on
July 8, 2006 on Dave Evan's
NAD: Personal Reflections II blog. A record 8 days that Ridor managed to keep quiet until he finally let out his first clue (unless you count
July 3 as an earlier record). It was a small peep right there. Enough to help set the rumour mill in motion. It was only a matter of time until he could "no longer" keep quiet because he was "forced" to answer the rumours that he started publicly over the internet.
Sure doesn't sound very cordial to me.
Here's how it went.
I did confront Ridor....twice, as a matter of fact, regarding the things he had done that was out of line and inflamatory. The two separate meetings were indeed courteous and cordial with a lively discussion in parts while some were more subdued and serious. The lengthier discussion mainly took place in the first meeting rather than the second one. This was no laughing matter considering what he had done. Also, as a reminder to all those people on the matter of being cordial, I initiated two handshakes after Ridor and I were done talking in the first and the second meeting. Those handshakes I offered was my way of showing my courtesy and respect and that there was never any bad blood to begin with. Well, at least on my part. We parted our own ways without much fanfare or attracted any undue attention after we had our say. If the offering of my handshake is not being courteous or cordial then I don't know what is.
In the first meeting we had to end the discussion because I, my wife, Ridor and Dave Evans (serving as a neutral and participating observer) wanted to attend Part 4 of the Deafhood workshop which was about to begin. I initiated my handshake to Ridor by extending my hand out to him in good faith to end the discussion on a relatively good note so that all of us could attend Part 4 Deafhood workshop. Dave and my wife were witnesses to that handshake courtesy. If that's not being cordial or courteous then I don't know what is.
Now, the main gist in the first meeting that *I initiated* was to discuss with him about him going too far on other deaf or Deaf people such as the wishing the
death of a deaf father's infant son in his blog which was clearly stepping over the line. No doubt. Dave agreed. I told Ridor that there are consequences to his actions when it comes to writing about other people in a public setting such as the internet/blog solely to smear and defame without much to back up his charges. It gets worse if he involves other family members who were never a party to any the discussion in the first place. I reiterated that it's better to attack the argument rather than the person or his/her family by presenting a case to counter it. That was a good rule of thumb.
Here's the beginning of how it got started.
When I arrived in Palm Springs starting on June 27 I never went looking for him at the NAD convention. I had no intention of doing that and waste my time or energy to do such an unnecessary thing. I was busy helping my good friends of mine with their exhibit booths and met up with familiar people from Gallaudet University. If I were to run into Ridor at any time then I will have that opportunity to set up a dialogue with him. The odds of running into him was nearly assured anyway.
I finally bumped into him 3 days later after arriving in Palm Springs. It happened in the Exhibits Hall during the NAD convention on June 30. I told him right then and there that I wanted to see him later on that day to discuss some things since I was already doing my errands. He didn't recognize me right away and I had to explain quickly to him on who I was. You could say that he was a bit, uh, "shocked" once he realized who I was. I knew he wouldn't seek me afterwards and so I knew it would be up to me to re-initiate the contact...again. Will lightening strike twice?
An hour later or so after doing some errands I finally saw him the second time with him talking to some of his friends or associates in the Exhibits Hall near the main exit doors. I walked across the Exhibits Hall towards him and waited patiently for about 10 to 15 minutes standing only but several feet away while I leaned on one of the exhibit booths near the entrance. No glaring at him while I stood. No huffing and puffing. No interrupting his talking to his friends since that would be absolutely rude and unwarranted. Nothing to attract unnecessary attention. I waited until he was finished so I could re-initiate the contact on a formal basis. If that's not being courteous or cordial then I don't know what is.
He knew I was there. He glanced over to me several times where I stood while he talked with his deaf friends. There was no avoiding it. A meeting was inevitable. I made sure of it. It was now or never. What could he be thinking?
After he was done talking with his friends at the Exhibits Hall I told him that we needed to talk and that we needed to go some place discreet. He seemed to agree. So we left the Exhibits Hall with him following behind me while I look for a proper and discreet area so as not to attract any unnecessary attention while we have our dialogue. I found two lounge chairs with a small table in the hallway near where Part 4 Deafhood workshop would take place. The hallway was a good area with not much traffic to get distracted or command any attention. If that's not being courteous or cordial enough then I don't know what is.
We started our discreet discussion while we sat in our lounge chairs in the hallway (near where the 4th Deafhood workshop was to be held) for about 5 minutes until David Eberwein came up and interrupted our discussion so he could talk to Ridor. I waited patiently even though I was a bit peeved at this interruption when my train of thought was interrupted. I waited until David Eberwein was finished so I could resume the discussion with Ridor. David Eberwein was completely unaware of what was going on. Nothing out of the ordinary could be seen between two individuals sitting in lounge chairs in the hallway of the Marriott hotel during the NAD convention just like all the others. DE finally left. Ridor and I resumed our dialogue. After a few minutes of discussion Dave Evans, my former roommate at Gallaudet, quietly showed up to watch the discussion unfold. He knew exactly what was going on. Dave would prove to be an important participant but neutral observer who stayed in the background while he watched and interjected only when necessary. That is what you call being courteous and cordial.
During the discussion Ridor tried several times to use his own faulty logic saying that he sent emails to Dale Patterson (
deaf owner of Deafreedom) inquiring whether he sent the offensive comments in his submission box (which can't be traced anyway). Ridor said he never received an answer from him and so he blogged about it saying that it was Dale Patterson who wrote the comment hoping that Ridor would die of AIDS.
Not so. The very act of not replying to any emails is not an admission of guilt. Even this wouldn't stand in a court of law.
My wife was with me as well throughout the whole time and was equally involved to a degree since Ridor did call her a "cafeteria worker" numerous times (
here,
here,
here and
here in DeafDC - see comment #4146) in a derogatory manner in his blogs and elsewhere. Of course, by saying "cafeteria worker" brings up images of ugly women serving slop at your school cafeteria. Yet, this was his sole intent to paint a picture for his blog readers. Ridor never met my wife prior to our meeting. He didn't even know what she
she looked like in the first place. It was Ridor's own warped intent to purposely try and portray my wife as an ugly woman that I married.
My wife was a professional caterer at Gallaudet University. She was a "cafeteria worker" only just barely briefly before working as a professional caterer as part of the transition. She served meals and drinks for IKJ, BoTs, professors, dignitaries, actors and actresses, Bernard Bragg, Gil Eastman, alumni parties, Congress people, Jimmy Carter and his wife, and so on for 4 or 5 years. Not exactly a job that fits a description as a "cafeteria worker."
And you know what else is amazing, folks? Ridor never even had the courage or the balls to apologize to my wife while she stood there in front of him when I reminded him during the discussion that he called her a "cafeteria worker." Even Dave Evans agreed upon hearing that for the first time that calling my wife a "cafeteria worker" was simply going over the line when one goes after a family member of a person he doesn't like. Ridor had every opportunity (I didn't need to spell it out to him, he's a big boy) to apologize to her. Even after the Part 4 Deafhood workshop he didn't even try and apologize to my wife, either. Not doing so is certainly not what you call as being coureous or cordial. More like being a coward by not owing up to family members who had no involvement in this whole affair.
In my second visit with him he approached me and m wife as soon as we exited through the double doors of the Exhibits Hall. He asked us nicely if things were all right. I said..."No." I reminded him about his
cell phone antics on his blog by taking out my cell phone while I mimicked talking on the phone saying that I will talk on my cell phone in any "
deaf dominated places." He wanted to change his position on the spot by saying he wasn't trying to say that all. I practically said that was a bunch of B.S. simply because of the way how he wrote it in his blog. He would rather wanted to ensure an ASL only, no voice and no cell phones in "deaf dominated places." That includes Gallaudet University. How else would anyone interpret his writing with that kind of an attitude? His attitude certainly didn't sound very "
deafhood- like" to me at all.
The next move was a surprise. He said after thinking about it (i.e. after the first meeting) he admitted that he did in fact cross the line in his confession to us after thinking about it awhile (some two or three hours later) and bantered on a few minutes more. With the discussion coming to an end he tried to be the loose and friendly person with me thinking he won a friend. He's sorely mistakened to think otherwise. And yet, again, he never took the opportunity to apologize to my wife during the second meeting. And if he agreed that he did go over the line, how come he never apologized to Dale Patterson, a deaf father, for wishing the death of his infant son in the hope he trip over him accidentally?
Not very cordial.
To end the whole this whole discussion, I initiated, again, a 2nd firm handshake with Ridor as a sign of courtesy and respect.
The whole thing was amazingly peaceful even though I was pissed about what he had done. It was about being civil in a discussion. It was about restraint. It was about communicating. It was about addressing false perspectives.
Prior to my initiated handshake with Ridor I told him that his blog has lots of potential but if he keeps it up by disparaging other people including their families, somebody else will go after him. Yet he explained in the first meeting that he only wanted to "push buttons" on other people. I guess "pushing buttons" means wishing a father who is deaf that Ridor doesn't like would trip over his own 7 month old son in the hope that he kill him accidently.?Suffering a guilt far worse than death itself? I guess that takes a big man to say that by going after an infant son? I guess "pushing buttons" means going after family members of a person who he does not like by calling the person's spouse a "cafeteria worker" would make him to be the bigger person? The Deaf community must be extremely proud of him as Ricky "I hope your baby dies" Taylor?
Ridor. Learn to be a bit more humble. Do the right thing. Don't be a coward.
And lastly, let me give you one business advice, Ridor.
Whenever you meet or greet people with a handshake. Make sure it's a firm handshake but not like a death grip. A firm handshake shows confidence and verve. When I took the initiative to offer a handshake (twice that is) to you, Ridor, it was like shaking a limp noodle. That was probably one of the most disturbing part in this whole encounter between us.
At any rate, good luck with your blog, Ridor, and don't stop what you're doing. I truly mean it. This is not about me being bitter. Rather it's that I'm mildly disappointed in how you behaved and wondered why you keep going off like a Roman candle whenever you involve me. Let it be known that it was you who chose to start this whole thing by calling me out as not being cordial during our meetings. I had no recourse here but to set the record straight for all those blog readers out there. I would have rather kept this out and forgottened. Yet, you insisted on pushing those "buttons."
You reap what you sow, Ridor.
Btw, I hardly ever frequent
Free Republic to read what goes on over there. I post certain announcements when I can such letting people know about Greg Gunderson and other things. Also, I'm like a kid in a candy store with the internet being the vast library full of information. I can only spend so much time visiting the many websites and blogsites out there. If Ridor thinks I spend all my time reading the Freeper website, he's sorely mistakened. I have not seen anything to the contrary of anybody making fun about deaf or hard of hearing people. If so, I'd be the first to address that. There is such a thing when people are totally ignorant of the facts and that a slight bit of education would do them a lot of good.
