For me, I do consider myself an "oral success" which includes both the speaking and listening skills. I am perhaps one of the few rare breed out there to discuss this publicly. I'm sure there are many more of them out there like me. I know. I've met them before. But what is "success" then? Well, to me, it's the ability to communicate and listen successfully. Though the listening part varies depending on the environment I'm in, of course. Between using a phone versus listening in a crowded room with everybody talking is like night and day sometimes. But then again technology continues to improve where one day a "smart" hearing aid will have the ability to screen out unwanted background noise and focus on the voice near me instead. Yet, success is relative.
Here's a short piece of my mother's letter she wrote to me in 2002 before she had internet connection (i.e email). It's a short reflective piece out of a two page letter she wrote to me about my past and what she had to do to get the education for me and the amount work she put into to help develop my speech and listening skill where educators have told her and many others that we deaf and hard of hearing people would be a lost cause and that we wouldn't be able to progress above the 5th grade level in our lifetime.
I know it is hard on little deaf children whose parents will not or can not sign. I also know that the parents who really tried and spent a lot of time with the kids had a lot of success. If I were to do it over, I would combine signs and lip reading and speech. Because as I look back and remember, we did use our version of signs for words like “no,” “yes,” “baby,” “love,” “up,” “milk,” “eat,” and many others that I have long forgotten.
All in all, the school boards, the teachers, the books, did not give a lot of encouragement about the education and successful adult livelihood for the deaf community. I am proud that you can make them all eat their words now.And eat their words they have and I will continue to remind them of that. Which is why I consider my mother my hero because without her I wouldn't be where I am today. But I do not hate my parents when at times I could not understand them when I was younger. I cannot spend time begrudging the past and I don't have anything to begrudge against my parents, either. They are human beings, too. And I still love them.
3 comments:
My mom will still ask me from time to time, even though I am doing extremely well for myself now, "Did I do anything wrong? Should I have learned sign language? What would you have liked me to have done differently?" I always tell her no, and that she is being silly.
But it seems as if, some parents will feel as if they did not do enough, no matter what.
Being a parent is hard. I can't imagine being told that your child is deaf and then be given very little information as to what to do. Some parents just did the best they can when given limited resources, information, and support.
I can't imagine telling my parents "Fuck you" because of choosing to go the oral route. Only if they abused and neglected me or forced me to be oral if I insisted on learning sign language, would I tell them that.
Success is relative, right.
We see many stories out there and it gives parents hope. It's not about being inconsiderate. It's about sharing each of our own different successes.
In almost every case, our success starts with basic guidance we get in our early life, whether they are by parents/teachers/friends/mentors and then we make it on our own. So, success is what you make of it. Success isn't necessarily totally reliant on our parents but ourselves in the end.
Not everyone can learn sign language easily or fluently and we should not hold them accountable. Most of us are fortunate we had parents who fed/clothed us and gave us a roof over our heads.
Most of us are fortunate we got love from our parents. Simple basics that develops a great human being who goes out in the world to make something out of him/her self and not stick out their middle fingers at others because one is bitter to the core.
That is what I am seeing, the differences between the ASL extremists and the moderates. The moderates are more open to whatever we all wish to be as long each one of us are respectful for the diversity within the deaf community. Three is no right or wrong answer as to how one should be deaf nor is there right/wrong answer to what a successful deaf person should be.
to anony@6:06, my parents did the same thing. I was raised in the mainstream without any contact with signing or deaf people. the doctor told my parents their choices were the regular public school or the deaf school. this was way before 1975 and PL 94-142. they still ask me if they did the right thing, and I always tell them I have no regrets. I have the best of both worlds and i think Mike does too.
although some deaf people might feel they were dealt a bad hand in their life, I'm pretty much of the philosophy that you create your own success. if you're lucky, there will be people along the way who will help you out. if not lucky, you're all on your own, but everyone has the potential to be successful, however they want to define "success." I try not to put value judgments on what constitutes success, that's an individual matter. and I especially don't define success by how well a person hears or speaks. Communication is what matters, not the mode of transmission.
anonymous #2
Post a Comment