Why did I blog about Kappa Gamma?

Why did I blog about Kappa Gamma?

For one, it's the despicable hazing and intimidation they have committed in the past and continued even after getting caught a few times for hazing. Did any of them learn anything at all after all those years even after getting caught repeatedly for hazing and getting repeat suspension? Sometimes I doubt that after seeing the number of hazing victims and the number of people that were intimidated in their wake. Although I'm naturally an optimistic person I leave you that with an open mind.

Secondly, the fraternity paddle represents the power to exert physical, mental and emotional abuse on their intended victims. To me, the paddle symbol does not represent brotherly love or respect for their fellow human beings but power. The power to exert control over their "lowly subjects" through physical and mental punishments during initiation rites. The kind of rites that have left lasting scars on many pledges whether they made it through the initiation or not.   Seeing a paddle is really a reminder on who the real bullies are. Why continue hanging proudly the fraternity paddles on the walls? Is that what bullies do when they put their trophies of past victims on their walls?

Thirdly, despite the organization cleaning up their act and publicly supporting a vigorous anti-hazing policy the problem is the number of hazing victims they have left in their wake spanning decades. Kappa Gamma or any of their brothers have refused to publicly apologize for causing physical, mental and emotional pain on their subjects seeing them as less than human beings.

Kappa Sigma is the one fraternity at Gallaudet University that best exemplify the philosophy of brotherly respect and seeing their pledges as true human beings and as equals and not some "lowly scum" subjects who deserve to be hazed and intimidated. That is an example that all fraternities and sororities should strive for without the need to have any kind of hazing, no matter how subtle.

Of course, in any fraternity organization you have your few bad apples who insist on using their influence and power to intimidate and bully other people long after they have graduated and made a name for themselves in the working world. If they think they are safe in their place of power from their own past misdeeds, then they better think twice about that. History has a way of catching up. Yet, they continue to be the bullies they are and set bad examples and name for their own fraternity long after the fraternity has cleaned up its act of no more hazing and acts of intimidation.  It is the fraternity's responsibility to confront their brotherly bullies to clean up their act and stop targeting their victims and other people through intimidation and fear.

You see? This is what hazing creates. For some victims it can create lasting emotional and psychological pain long after the initiation was completed. It is really a fraternity's own fault for creating that kind of an atmosphere that is still being felt today by some of their victims. Even though many fraternities have cleaned up their act and instituted a strong anti-hazing policy stance the problem is the many victims they left in their wake because of their own stupidity and ego.

It's time that brothers and the KG fraternity do a public apology for their intimidation and hazing practices over the years. It is the only way that will help with the healing process between them and their victims whether they are already brothers or former pledges who didn't make it. This would be a true act of unity in action rather than continue with a divisive attitude and acts of intimidation.  In fact, some fraternity brothers have done exactly that by apologizing for their past misdeed and naïve behaviors like this one fraternity brother who wrote an apology letter to all the victims that he helped create simply because he was young and naive:

Yet, if I truly want to be a Revolutionary Man, I have to be ruthlessly honest with myself. I have to own up to mistakes I’ve made, people I’ve pissed off, and most importantly people I either took advantage of or caused unnecessary harm to. Above all, I have to be honest about where I stepped out of my own integrity. This process requires that I leave no stone unturned.

The purpose of this post is to publicly apologize and to own up to three key mistakes I made while I was an undergraduate:

1. I watched and did nothing as others were hazed, knowing inside that it was wrong. 

2. In turn, I betrayed my own integrity and hazed others. I manipulated, misled, shamed, and verbally and emotionally hurt other men.  

3. When I changed my tune and realized hazing was wrong, I “came out” against hazing in a very unskillful fashion.

In college I took part in hazing other men with the aim of unifying each pledge class and “making” pledges active members of my fraternity. A guy had to “earn” his way in, and dammit, I was going to make it hard for him. After all, I reasoned, I went through it, now he has to go through it too. I think the members achieved the desired outcome of unifying the pledge class, but the means with which we did it were plain wrong.

I had many justifications for my behavior. “It’s not really real.” “I didn’t mean the things I said to him.” “It was just a joke, all BS, just for fun.” “If this guy didn’t go through hell week, he’d still be an arrogant asshole. I put him in his place.” “It made him a man” and many, many other such rationalizations.

Not until I became President of the fraternity did I begin to fear the repercussions of my actions. My good friends called me “God squad” to imply that I was abusing my power as I tried to balance old traditions with my new responsibilities. I began to slowly speak out against hazing some, but pretty weakly and was too scared to really stand up.

When I began to work for my fraternity headquarters as a leadership consultant after college, I really changed my tune. There, I heard a man speak by the name of Dave Westol who spoke of the atrocities of hazing. I got it at that speech. This is when I began to piss a lot of folks off: “Who’s the hypocrite telling us what to do?”

Now, years later and with a master’s degree in psychology under my belt, and having studied trauma extensively, I understand the price tag of hazing on the human psyche.

When faced with a threatening situation, we humans respond in one of four ways: Fight, flight, freeze or submit. In college, I witnessed men go through all of these. Men cried, men fought back, men left the fraternity forever, men “took it,” and men just simply shut down—they would get silent for hours, days, and weeks.

I traumatized other men, period. Yes, I was young and naïve, but that is no excuse for immature, hurtful behavior. I was a boy initiating other boys.

Grow a conscious. Grow some gonads. Be revolutionary and apologize to your victims. Show yourselves to be real men by exemplifying what fraternity brothers are really like and that is to show true respect for their fellow human beings whether they are brothers or not. Move away from a boy-like mentality and finally become men with pride and respect.

I support the victims. They have no voice because they were effectively silenced through acts of intimidation by instilling fear in them for even daring to speak up about past transgressions against them.

I am challenging you, Kappa Gamma, to finally do the right thing.

President Hurwitz (a Kappa Gamma brother of the 83rd Congregation who is now the university president of Gallaudet University - he is listed on the KG website as being in the 83rd Congregation and called a brother and never attended Gally as a student but is an honorary brother), do you support the victims or the few wayward brothers who continue to intimidate people into silence? Do you understand the price tag of hazing spanning decades on the human psyche and what it does to the victim's moral and self esteem?  Did you also watched and did nothing? Do you not feel remorse or concerns?  Do you wish to finally unify all of your brothers and past pledges and other past victims of hazing? Do the right thing, president Hurwitz and set an example.

These victims will not be silenced!

Independent Greek FROGs at Gallaudet University

Back in around 1988 on the campus of Gallaudet University there was this new independent “fraternity” group who called themselves “FROG” with the Greek capital letters phi (F), rho (R), omicron (O), and gamma (G) or (Φ­РОГ ). When finger-spelled it is spelled out as the letter “F,” “R,” “O,” along with an upside down “L” to look like the capital Greek letter “rho” which spells "FROГ." The 1988 yearbook captured an image of a student wearing a FROГ t-shirt as proof that this did happen.

This was a fine and dandy thing except that some of the fraternity Greek members on campus were whining about the fact that FROГ was not a legitimate Greek organization. Either they misunderstood or took offense about the whole FROГ thing was about.  The FROГ idea was the brainstorm of the late Robert Johnson.

Also, he led to set up and organize a short-lived ad hoc organization called FROG to mock the Greek organizations for fun during the Rock Festival weekend and I played some roles in his organization.

While as a student I remember distinctly these complaints by some Greek members and just laughed at the whole idea of them actually complaining about it. The hilarity was over the fact that some of the campus fraternity members actually felt threatened by a group of people wearing FROГ t-shirts and those selling the t-shirts. This so-called "organization" was never meant to be anything else other than a joke. How can it be an organization if it's for independent people who can "join" at any time?  It was all about poking fun at fraternities and sororities during Rock Festival weekends.

The beauty of FROГ was that anybody can join, except, of course, for those who already joined a fraternity or sorority Greek organization, as long as they are legitimately independents. Best of all, no hazing is required to become a member. No need for hazing like the 48 Hour Period sleep deprivation, Goat Night fun, or paddling probation events. Just buy a FROГ t-shirt and, voila, you're a member of the FROГ ad hoc "organization."  You don't have to buy a t-shirt to proclaim your independence but it sure can help.

FROГs accept you for who you are and not about what you are. It doesn't matter if you're athletic or not. It does not matter if you're smart or not. It doesn't matter how good looking you are. It does not matter how well you sign, speak or the ability to hear or not. It doesn't matter if you wear a hearing aid, cochlear implant or not. FROГ or FROG independents do not discriminate, physically harm, harass or mentally abuse.  Buy a FROГ t-shirt day! And say "No!" to any kind of hazing however small or big.