Excuses Adult Cyberbullies Make

Adult cyberbullies with their continuing and repetitive nature of bullying online will provide an array of excuses to try and dissuade people that they cannot be a cyberbully. Cyberbullying takes on many forms. Some are insidious in nature racked with compulsions while others behave like children such as a posting a picture of the victim the cyberbully dislike on the web in such a demeaning fashion.

A dissertation written by Warren J. Blumenfeld, Ed. D., on cyberbullying describes it succinctly in his abstract:

Cyberbullying, like face-to-face (f2f) bullying, involves deliberate and repeated aggressive and hostile behaviors by an individual or group of individuals intended to humiliate, harm, and/or control another individual or group of individuals of lesser power or social status. Cyberbullying, however, involves the use of information and communication technologies such as Internet web sites, e-mail, chat rooms, mobile phone and pager text message, and instant messaging. The author discusses the similarities and diference between f2f and cyberbullying, and the psychological dimensions unique to human-computer interactions which tend to increase abusive behaviors, including cyberbullying. In addition, the author proposes the application of social norms theory in research initiatives to address issues of cyberbullying.

Adults and children use the same mechanism and tools when it comes to cyberbullying. They both use the internet web sites, email, chat rooms, Twitter, Facebook, mobile phone and text messaging and instant messaging. There are no descernible differences between adults and children when the intention is to send hurtful, cruel, and intimidating messages to their targeted victims. Those would be "hate mail" types. Both adults and children use their blogs or vlogs to post derogatory comments aimed at their intended victims on a regular basis because "they deserve it" or that "I'm showing people the truth!" They do that with malicious intent and purpose. They also use their websites to post pictures of their intended victims telling readers how ugly they are by comparing them to pictures of ugly creatures, for example. Or conjure up stories, produce cartoons or caricatures, display demeaning pictures, or tell jokes ridiculing or mocking others in such repeated fashion. It's an amalgam of all those things that makes a cyberbully a cyberbully. As we all know technology allows cyberbullies a "shelter" against tangible feedback about consequences of one's actions, which can result in minimized empathy or remorse for the intended target of bullying according to Blumenfeld.

"People who engage in cyberbullying can inflict pain without having to see the effects, which can result in a "deeper level of meaness. People who cyberbully can also communicate their hurtful messages to a wider audience with incredible speed."

And that,

"cyberspace can also inhibit a user's sense of responsibility for actions online."

That alone help increase the level of "meanness" of cyberbullying in an almost discombobulated form of cyberspace interaction.

Blumenfeld provided an example of how a cyberbully would justify his or her actions on why abusive messages were sent online,

"I was only telling the truth. She is ugly, and I felt she had to know it!"

Blumenfeld succinctly put it this way,

"It's about the rationalization-denial of responsibility centers around offering the targets of their abuse needed and useful information."

In short, they "deserved it" and needed to "know it" would be their main excuse or justification for behaving in such a boorish and hateful manner. But in cyberspace it's a world where reality gets distorted.

Blumenfeld explains,

"In a virtual sense, then, cyberspace communication can alter perceptions by becoming a make-believe world, a dream-like experience, even a game in which the rules of real life bullying no longer apply. Cyberbullying can occur any time and any place. Home, there, is no longer a refuge from bullying and harassment."

The Blumenfeld dissertation was a piece on children and teens susceptible to cyberbullying but many instances of cyberbullying children describe exactly the adult cyberbullying situation.

Adult cyberbullying is real. It exists. It has been and continues to be documented. Cyberbullying has happened to other adults just as it happened to other children. Do not be a party to or associate with a known cyberbully because doing so encourages cyberbullying attitudes. Once a cyberbully always a cyberbully. Do not let their excuses or justifications fool or confuse you.

Did a hearing mother exaggerates about her deaf son's ability?

Here's a weird story. And a true one.

This is a story about a hearing mother who gushed about her older deaf son who is profoundly deaf and wears a hearing aid. Nothing wrong about gushing with pride about your own kids. What mother who did not express pride about her own deaf child's accomplishments? But this story takes on a weird turn. A revelation into the psychological shortcomings or maybe a case of denial when this mother was confronted on providing proof of her claim about her deaf son.

This claim in question involves the use of a phone and how her profoundly deaf son can use it with his hearing aid on. This hearing mother actually bragged to another person that her deaf son can use the phone with anybody. The person in question expressed surprise and soon turn to doubt. Can he really be that good and freely converse and gab with anyone over the phone? The person in question with moderate hearing loss and wears a hearing aid asked if a phone call can be made to this deaf person so that they both can talk over the phone. The mother refused even though her deaf son is an adult. The person in question tried to be understanding requested than an email be exchanged with this deaf son so that he can make the decision to accept a future phone call or not. The mother refused to pass the word on to her son about the email address or the phone call deal. The story might be moot if the deaf son was not an adult and the mother refused for security reasons but in this case the deaf son is an adult and able to make his own decisions.

Now, is this me or is this is a case of a hearing mother who got caught in a lie (?) when asked for proof of her claim? Whenever a mother that does that does it also show that she is in denial of her son's hearing loss? Or maybe this is a case of an exaggeration gone to far when the deaf son can in reality speak (rather than listen actively, and converse freely) only with a few people the voices he'd recognize and respond in a limited fashion? My take? I think if a mother who does that has a few psychological issues and insecurity that need to be worked out and confronted once and for all.