Not a victim...

Bullying comes in all forms, shapes and sizes. You have bullies who are hearing. You have bullies who are hard of hearing. You have bullies who are deaf. It does not matter who because a bully is a bully whether a kid or an adult. The same is true to form in the cyberworld and it's called cyberbullying (or internet bullying) which is not just done by kids but by adults as well. The goal of cyberbullying is essentially the same for a kid to that of an adult. Bullying is bullying whether done in person or over the internet. The goals are still the same.

There are several ways to commit cyberbullying acts through the internet using emails, videophone, chat rooms, discussion forums, blogging, or video blogging. Cyberbullying can be done anonymously or not. One of the tactics would be the public "hit and run" type by constantly attacking different people over the course of months or years, thus making a name for him or herself. The other kind of tactic would be done in a more sustained effort against one or few individuals that could last for years. The attacking style is usually done in the form of belittling, making false statements or claims, twisting of the words, making vicious and thoughtless comments, calling people names, contacting other people's employers, making veiled threats, making up stories, or even in the extreme wishing people dead. And then you have your enablers who supports a cyberbully either by ignoring or failing to recognize cyberbullying actions and attitudes which only helps continue the vicious cycle of hate.

But a person need not be a victim of cyberbullying only if the person allows it. The first step is to recognize that you're not a victim but instead recognize that the cyberbully needs psychological help. It is the cyberbully who doesn't know how to stop the hate and constant maligning. It is the cyberbully who craves attention or feel the need to have a sense of control over people by being overly vicious, manipulative, and maligning. Once you recognize those negative attributes and psychological needs you then have the power over the cyberbully.  The simplest and most effective way is to fully ignore the perpetrator.  As an adults we have that power.

I've been fortunate as never having been a victim because I have refused to see myself as a victim in any circumstances. I have always recognized it is the perpetrators who have problems, and not me. It is the perpetrators who are ignorant of their bullying ways using their own denials as a cover. Sometimes in an act of contrivance fakes their so-called remorse for their bullying ways when true actions speak louder than words. I just shake my head whenever people who have tried to bully me in the past whether in person or online because I see how sad their actions and attitudes have become knowing that they are the ones who need serious help. Because once a bully always a bully in any form. Their aim has been all about exerting certain "control" over people with their bullying ways but the real secret is that bullies can never see for themselves that they are the ones who are out of control. A denial in perpetual making.

That is exactly how an addict would behave by denying that he or she has a serious problem. Just like when cyberbullying or online bullying becomes an addictive behavior in a never ending but vicious cycle of hate. Your best bet in most cases? Walk away and ignore the cyberbully because you can never reason with an addict who thrives on hate.

Bullying Inside the Deaf/HOH Community Rehashed

It's sad whenever (cyber)bullying occurs by deaf/hh bullies in the deaf/hh community whether bullies know sign language or not over deafness-related issues or that the target has a communication preference different from others as a reason for the attack. Recently an unfortunate circumstance occurred a few days ago in a Facebook forum that got out of control between two adults with one being the obvious aggressor. Equally unfortunate was that the author of the Bullying Inside the Deaf/HOH Community article used the situation by making unfounded assertions.  The admin of this Deaf/HH Blogs FB group, yours truly, had already rectified the situation as already explained yesterday, April 10th, under Aaron's post that began on March 27, 2013 (scroll down until you see Aaron's March 27 posting).

If you click on "members" in the upper right part of the FB you can see who currently are members. The said person is no longer a member since yesterday. It is understandable that Sveta is upset with what has happened. One thread was already removed yesterday. I already explained on the day of the incident that I will need to sit down and read what was going on before deciding what I needed to do since I've been busy away from home. People here do have the option to not respond to an offensive post. People are mature enough to recognize when to stop and let the admin handle it should it get out of hand. This is a low volume FB group and it just so happens personality and conviction clashed.

I purposely let the Aaron thread alone so others can see exactly what had happened and how perspectives, feelings, and beliefs can vary widely even in the deaf/hh community regarding communication access and deafness-related issues. I have made my points clear more than a few times that any hearing loss organization should be prepared to provide the proper communication access when requested by deaf or hard of hearing individuals. Not doing so make them a hypocrite organization. There is a difference when one tries to accommodate vs those who do not try at all and flat out refuse such service.

This is also a reminder that even those in the deaf/hh community (non-signers) still need to be educated on the value of communication access and the need to help others feel accepted in the community. And conversely, some in the culturally deaf community need to be educated as well.

The discussion did stop on March 28 with Aaron's initial post that began on March 27th. However, the discussion was picked up again on April 10th, Wednesday, almost two weeks later after it stopped and it all went downhill quickly after that. I addressed the incident on April 12, Friday coming off of a week long multiple projects that required my attention. I can't always hover around each and every posts that get submitted and follow each every comments made. There's a reason why you turn off your FB apps on your phone.  In this situation some give and take are needed as well maintaining proper sensibilities.

The bickering made worse when ad hominem attacks were used instead of using cogent arguments to make the case.  Feelings ran high, people made rash decisions and rash words. But because emotion was running high so soon after that incident the author of Bullying Inside the Deaf/HOH Community who felt victimized by the whole incident, and I don't blame her, decided to use my name to skew the situation unfairly.

Bullying inside the deaf/hh community, especially in the culturally deaf community, isn't new. It has been going on for years. I've written many topics on cyber/bullying in my blog (see http://tinyurl.com/d99o7d4 ) and I have been a target myself many times because of my views and opinions. I don't see myself as a victim but rather that some people still need to be educated. That includes the Deaf community, deaf community, hard of hearing community and the hearing community.

And that, folks, is in a nutshell.

A video message on cyberbullying

Excuses Adult Cyberbullies Make

Adult cyberbullies with their continuing and repetitive nature of bullying online will provide an array of excuses to try and dissuade people that they cannot be a cyberbully. Cyberbullying takes on many forms. Some are insidious in nature racked with compulsions while others behave like children such as a posting a picture of the victim the cyberbully dislike on the web in such a demeaning fashion.

A dissertation written by Warren J. Blumenfeld, Ed. D., on cyberbullying describes it succinctly in his abstract:

Cyberbullying, like face-to-face (f2f) bullying, involves deliberate and repeated aggressive and hostile behaviors by an individual or group of individuals intended to humiliate, harm, and/or control another individual or group of individuals of lesser power or social status. Cyberbullying, however, involves the use of information and communication technologies such as Internet web sites, e-mail, chat rooms, mobile phone and pager text message, and instant messaging. The author discusses the similarities and diference between f2f and cyberbullying, and the psychological dimensions unique to human-computer interactions which tend to increase abusive behaviors, including cyberbullying. In addition, the author proposes the application of social norms theory in research initiatives to address issues of cyberbullying.

Adults and children use the same mechanism and tools when it comes to cyberbullying. They both use the internet web sites, email, chat rooms, Twitter, Facebook, mobile phone and text messaging and instant messaging. There are no descernible differences between adults and children when the intention is to send hurtful, cruel, and intimidating messages to their targeted victims. Those would be "hate mail" types. Both adults and children use their blogs or vlogs to post derogatory comments aimed at their intended victims on a regular basis because "they deserve it" or that "I'm showing people the truth!" They do that with malicious intent and purpose. They also use their websites to post pictures of their intended victims telling readers how ugly they are by comparing them to pictures of ugly creatures, for example. Or conjure up stories, produce cartoons or caricatures, display demeaning pictures, or tell jokes ridiculing or mocking others in such repeated fashion. It's an amalgam of all those things that makes a cyberbully a cyberbully. As we all know technology allows cyberbullies a "shelter" against tangible feedback about consequences of one's actions, which can result in minimized empathy or remorse for the intended target of bullying according to Blumenfeld.

"People who engage in cyberbullying can inflict pain without having to see the effects, which can result in a "deeper level of meaness. People who cyberbully can also communicate their hurtful messages to a wider audience with incredible speed."

And that,

"cyberspace can also inhibit a user's sense of responsibility for actions online."

That alone help increase the level of "meanness" of cyberbullying in an almost discombobulated form of cyberspace interaction.

Blumenfeld provided an example of how a cyberbully would justify his or her actions on why abusive messages were sent online,

"I was only telling the truth. She is ugly, and I felt she had to know it!"

Blumenfeld succinctly put it this way,

"It's about the rationalization-denial of responsibility centers around offering the targets of their abuse needed and useful information."

In short, they "deserved it" and needed to "know it" would be their main excuse or justification for behaving in such a boorish and hateful manner. But in cyberspace it's a world where reality gets distorted.

Blumenfeld explains,

"In a virtual sense, then, cyberspace communication can alter perceptions by becoming a make-believe world, a dream-like experience, even a game in which the rules of real life bullying no longer apply. Cyberbullying can occur any time and any place. Home, there, is no longer a refuge from bullying and harassment."

The Blumenfeld dissertation was a piece on children and teens susceptible to cyberbullying but many instances of cyberbullying children describe exactly the adult cyberbullying situation.

Adult cyberbullying is real. It exists. It has been and continues to be documented. Cyberbullying has happened to other adults just as it happened to other children. Do not be a party to or associate with a known cyberbully because doing so encourages cyberbullying attitudes. Once a cyberbully always a cyberbully. Do not let their excuses or justifications fool or confuse you.

Adult Cyberbullying

Believe or not the term cyberbullying is just not for kiddies but even among adults who behave exactly what kids would do online, plus some more. You can have an adult bully or a child bully. Being bully knows no age-limit. And if an adult can be a bully, so can one be an adult cyberbully as well.

Cyberbullying does not just apply to children. There are adult groups dedicated to harassing and defaming others as well, along with websites created online specifically to make fun of and demean individuals. These people can be found in communities linked to blogs and chat rooms and they use the disguise of “anonymity” to harass their prey. 

Definition: "Cyberbullying involves the use of information and communication technologies such as e-mail, cell phone and pager text messages, instant messaging (IM), defamatory personal Web sites, and defamatory online personal polling Web sites, to support deliberate, repeated, and hostile behaviour by an individual or group, that is intended to harm others." – Bill Belsey, Cyberbullying Expert  

Common Variations:  Cyber Bullying; Cyberbullying; Cyber-Bullying; Cyberstalking; and Cybermobbing.
 

There is a new non-profit organization against adult cyberbullyg called Civil Nation whose aim is to take

"....a stand against online hostility and adult cyberbullying. Its focus is on advancing the full capability of individuals to communicate and engage in cyberspace in a responsible and accountable way. A strong supporter of the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, CiviliNation believes that free speech is enhanced through civil dialog and a rational exchange of information and ideas. By fostering an online culture in which individuals can fully engage and contribute without fear or threat of being the target of unwarranted abuse, harassment, or lies, the core ideals of democracy are upheld."

In the deaf culture world they, too, also have their share of adult cyberbullies who consistently and constantly go on the prowl to find deaf individuals (not public figures but private) and concoct justifications or excuses to make sustained and continued attacks on a regular or semi-regular basis in the effort to defame, make fun of, make hostile remarks, harass, demean, use online threats of exposing identities, call names and/or participate in online activities with one or more people in the effort to get individuals fired or in trouble at work over a matter of disagreements of opinions.  An example of that actually happened during the AB2072 protest (read the comments) . Sometimes you have certain people who like to lay low and get other cyberbullies to do their bidding by directing them or make suggestion about certain individuals because of their dislike or strong disagreement with their opinions or stances.

Cyberbullies come in all forms and shape, and age, too. "Cyberbullying" is not a word reserved only for kids but for adults, too, who behave just like what kids would do. And that is being a cyberbully.

Once a cyberbully always a cyberbully

I'm sure there are instances when a cyberbully stops becoming a cyberbully and realizes the error  of her/his ways such as publicly signing a pact on not to ever be involved in cyberbullying such as the Deaf Hope pact with over 200 signatures.

From this day forward I publicly commit myself to end all violence. Additionally I shall strive to contribute to a safe and supportive cyberspace. I shall neither participate in, encourage, nor endorse any form of cyberbullying.  

In the spirit of femtorship and mentorship and in the spirit of comm-unity, I promise to respect, honor and learn from myself as well as others.  

Sign the Pact  

Signed by on September 27, 2008:

It's unfortunate that Deaf Hope took down the "The Pact" link.

Now, in general, once a person becomes a cyberbully over the internet and doesn't stop then it can become a vicious circle. The circle gets bigger. The hole digs deeper.  A cycle that never ends just to ensure the continuing character assasinations of people by personally going after named individuals. But the maxim "once a cyberbully always a cyberbully" is not always true but in general I hope people would get the gist of where I'm going with this.

The word "cyberbully" can and do apply to adults. A child can cyberbully a child. A child can cyberbully an adult. An adult can cyberbully a child. An adult can cyberbully an adult. Everybody knows exactly what it means and what it's all about. No need to get "technical" about it because it can confuse the matter at heart when it's about bullying. Excessive harassment is bullying gone too far. You can have an adult bully. By convention you can have an adult cyberbully which is an adult who take to the internet (or phone) as the preferred method to harass and bully others. In other words, cyberbullies use their computer screen as their shield because a cyberbully would not ordinarily say those harassing words or comments online to the same person in person.

The legal definition of "cyberbullying":

Cyber bullying refers to any harassment that occurs via the internet, cell phones or other devices. Communication technology is used to intentionally harm others through hostile behavior such as sending text messages and posting ugly comments on the internet.  

The National Crime Prevention Council defines cyber-bullying as “the process of using the Internet, cell phones or other devices to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person.”  

Cyber-bullying could be limited to posting rumors or gossips about a person in the internet bringing about hatred in other’s minds; or it may go to the extent of personally identifying victims and publishing materials severely defaming and humiliating them.

From the National Science Foundation on recognizing cyberbullying:

Cyberbullying is not only associated with children and adolescents. The Cyberbullying Research Center website run by Justin Patchin, an associate professor of criminal justice at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, and Sameer Hinduja, an associate professor in the School of Criminology and Criminal Justice at Florida Atlantic University, claims to receive more inquiries from adults than teens.  

"We get a lot of emails, phone calls and comments on this blog from adults who are being bullied through technology. They stress to us that cyberbullying is not just an adolescent problem. Believe me, we know," they write on their website.  

"We know that cyberbullying negatively affects adults too. It's just that we spend the majority of our efforts studying how this problem impacts school-aged youth due to their tenuous developmental stage," they write.

A woman explains that cyberbullying occurs among adults just as well and as viciously, too.

"Cyberbullying does not just apply to children. There are adult groups dedicated to harassing and defaming others as well," says an adult woman in an online article titled "The Anonymous Attacks of Adult Cyberbullying Cross the Line and Enter the 'Real World.'"  

"Cyberbullying does not just apply to children. There are adult groups dedicated to harassing and defaming others as well, along with websites created online specifically to make fun of and demean individuals. These people can be found in communities linked to blogs and chat rooms and they use the disguise of “anonymity” to harass their prey. Sometimes, these bullies will take their online squabbles offline and press people online to harass their prey's family and friends. As a bully myself, then a victim of large-scale bullying, let me tell you my story.

In November of 2006, my grandfather had a massive heart attack. My way of dealing with my pain was to go online and take it out on nameless, faceless bloggers, and I posted things to people that would probably result in me being beaten up if it were said to someone in 'real life.' When one of these people I attacked told me my grandfather deserved his death, I upped my ante, lashing out at these words with racial slurs, vulgar names and just about anything else you can imagine."

These people, despite their differences, are part of a group that has one thing in common-all of them have been impacted in some way by cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying is a huge problem over the internet. Not just among the deaf/hh community but everybody. It's also a problem over cell phones through texting or voice.  There were past public and private discussions on cyberbullying within the deaf/hh community. It continues to be discussed. I have covered the cyberbullying topics several times in my blogs.  Courts have recognized that cyberbullying is not protected speech. People who continue to regularly use the internet to harass, make fun of, defame, attack, spew hate, produce ad hominems and such at private individuals whether the person is an adult or child is a cyberbully in my book. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Once a bully always a bully. Once a cyberbully always a cyberbully but there is always hope that a bully can change. The only guarantee to not be a bully whether online or in the physical presence is not to behave like one.

Loopy College Professor and Stalker - Caught!

Here's the link where a popular college professor got caught silently stalking a man who had a restraining order on the person. And here's another link about this deaf stalker who got caught stalking and was arrested after fighting against guards. Or how a deaf stalker who harassed a woman by sending her more than 20 texts a day. Unreal. Those things do happen regardless of who, hearing or deaf.

Now, when it comes to deaf people stalking and cyberbullying, which typically go hand in hand in some cases, against other deaf people it can become an odd and sometimes dangerous obsession combining the two activities. Cyberbullying is probably the first stage prior to a more serious stalking episode. The sending of threatening emails, the constantly producing of videos as a way to cyberbully a person of interest, or the use of blogs to make unwarranted claims against a person of interest in the effort to cyberstalk or harrass hoping the person may be reading or watching his/her blog or vlog.  And then sometimes after all that cyberbullying a violator may end up stalking a person's place of residence by showing up for a few days wearing disguises. Or worse, commit more serious crimes of hate. Just because a person is a professor (see above link) of a certain stature doesn't mean he or she isn't capable of committing cyberbullying or stalking activities.  Those with overly obsessive traits will go further by committing greater and more personal but egregious acts of hate which can be manifested in the form of cyberbullying and/or stalking. Red flags about the violators are usually apparent and recognized by the targeted victims but certainly not the other way around.

So far this year I've heard cases of restraining orders and arrest warrants, numerous examples of cyberbullying, harrassments, threatening emails, stalking a person at his/her place of residence, cyberstalking, use of fake or ridiculous facial disguises, false charges in court in order to try and silence a person, the circulation of emails containing false claims and defamations, the use of a community to try and do fishing expeditions in order to find "dirty info" about a person he or she hates, and so on and so forth. It ain't pretty folks. This is just a tip of the iceberg here.

One of two things about cyberbullies turned stalkers. A person either "successfully" stalks a person and gets away with it or end up getting arrested and jailed.  Either way, the whole thing is just ugly.

See the next continuing blog "When Deaf Clowns Go Bad."

The Errigo and Aguilar Mess

I haven't heard anything about the Errigo and Aguilar mess but briefly heard about it through osmosis until I came across Gamas Wanderings' blog about the whole subject, especially after reading the comments, too. I was able to obtain and read the court transcript about some restraining order nonsense over some boogey-man claim over a threat. At least it certainly appears to be so. But if somebody is electronically harassing you, being a cyberbully or a cyberstalker, you do have the option of not responding, put the person on ignore, select their incoming email as "junk email" and so on. What both of them could've done was to ignore each other, especially Ms Aguilar who went ahead and filed for a restraining order against Errigo. This drama was simply ridiculous to the point of total embarassment for one individual. Let's not use audism or "Deafhood" as a weapon of choice. It simply becomes an exercise of futility and embarrassment.