Not a victim...

Bullying comes in all forms, shapes and sizes. You have bullies who are hearing. You have bullies who are hard of hearing. You have bullies who are deaf. It does not matter who because a bully is a bully whether a kid or an adult. The same is true to form in the cyberworld and it's called cyberbullying (or internet bullying) which is not just done by kids but by adults as well. The goal of cyberbullying is essentially the same for a kid to that of an adult. Bullying is bullying whether done in person or over the internet. The goals are still the same.

There are several ways to commit cyberbullying acts through the internet using emails, videophone, chat rooms, discussion forums, blogging, or video blogging. Cyberbullying can be done anonymously or not. One of the tactics would be the public "hit and run" type by constantly attacking different people over the course of months or years, thus making a name for him or herself. The other kind of tactic would be done in a more sustained effort against one or few individuals that could last for years. The attacking style is usually done in the form of belittling, making false statements or claims, twisting of the words, making vicious and thoughtless comments, calling people names, contacting other people's employers, making veiled threats, making up stories, or even in the extreme wishing people dead. And then you have your enablers who supports a cyberbully either by ignoring or failing to recognize cyberbullying actions and attitudes which only helps continue the vicious cycle of hate.

But a person need not be a victim of cyberbullying only if the person allows it. The first step is to recognize that you're not a victim but instead recognize that the cyberbully needs psychological help. It is the cyberbully who doesn't know how to stop the hate and constant maligning. It is the cyberbully who craves attention or feel the need to have a sense of control over people by being overly vicious, manipulative, and maligning. Once you recognize those negative attributes and psychological needs you then have the power over the cyberbully.  The simplest and most effective way is to fully ignore the perpetrator.  As an adults we have that power.

I've been fortunate as never having been a victim because I have refused to see myself as a victim in any circumstances. I have always recognized it is the perpetrators who have problems, and not me. It is the perpetrators who are ignorant of their bullying ways using their own denials as a cover. Sometimes in an act of contrivance fakes their so-called remorse for their bullying ways when true actions speak louder than words. I just shake my head whenever people who have tried to bully me in the past whether in person or online because I see how sad their actions and attitudes have become knowing that they are the ones who need serious help. Because once a bully always a bully in any form. Their aim has been all about exerting certain "control" over people with their bullying ways but the real secret is that bullies can never see for themselves that they are the ones who are out of control. A denial in perpetual making.

That is exactly how an addict would behave by denying that he or she has a serious problem. Just like when cyberbullying or online bullying becomes an addictive behavior in a never ending but vicious cycle of hate. Your best bet in most cases? Walk away and ignore the cyberbully because you can never reason with an addict who thrives on hate.

Don Grushkin's Piece on Dylan Quick : Self-Flagelation Begins

The news hit with blaring headlines after headlines on the tragedy of 14 students who got stabbed at the Lone Star Community College by a crazed student. I dreaded reading such depressing news but read I did.  Then I saw the words, "deaf," and then "wears a cochlear implant" but nothing on whether Dylan Quick knew sign language or whether he was another culturally deaf person who went on a killing spree or rampage.  A rampage that would make the cut for the Texas Chain Saw Massacre movie like this culturally deaf woman did by using a chain saw on her dead lover after murdering her. I knew it would be a matter of time until somebody from the culturally deaf community would take advantage of the news as a clarion call against cochlear implants, AGBell, auditory-oral schools, cyber/bullying and Auditory Verbal Therapy for deaf and hard of hearing kids all on the premise of Dylan Quick's supposedly intolerable upbringing as a deaf kid. Some actually made the claim that this stabbing spree was a manifestation as a result of the "oral-only philosophy" impact which "destroys deaf children."

Whatever.

But lo and behold it wasn't long until a deaf person named Donald Grushkin, a PhD holder (more of him in YouTube) in the field of deaf studies wrote a piece called "I was Dylan Quick" empathizing with Dylan Quick's own deafness issues as if Donald Grushkin knew what Quick's own psychological or social issues were in the first place.

However, an even more important issue soon arose: it was revealed that Dylan Quick is a Deaf (capitalized to indicate ethnicity, regardless of cultural affiliation) person who was orally-raised and uses a cochlear implant. My thoughts just as rapidly turned from gun control to the issue of mental health, especially where Deaf and hard of hearing people are concerned, and moreover, I quickly envisioned the media reports characterizing Dylan Quick as an “isolated loner” without mentioning he is Deaf, or focusing on causes and issues related to his rampage which have nothing to do with his being Deaf, insinuating that this is an isolated incident. Yet, finding out that Dylan Quick is Deaf himself, I immediately empathized with him in his expression of what must be intolerable rage and frustration, for I, at one point in my life, could have done almost exactly what he did. 

If I may say so while I'm at it the capitalized "D" in "Deaf" as explained by Donald Grushkin was used to indicate "ethnicity" presents numerous problems.  Aside from that in Donald's piece he seems to be assuming a lot of things on what Dylan's personal and social life growing up as a deaf person might have been like and whether his life was a "tolerable" one or not. Rather than wait and see exactly what the media may report on what Dylan Quick's own life was like growing up as a deaf person, Donald Grushkin took the empathy route and attempted to project his own life experiences growing up as a deaf person with that of Dylan Quick's even though we know nothing about Quick's own social and life background while growing up as a deaf kid.  Although there are a few tidbits of information gleaned so far on Dylan's supposedly eccentric behaviors we can only assume so much (but shouldn't anyway) at this point.

"He was an eccentric kid, so a lot of people thought he was weird," Chalflan explained, adding that students sometimes would make fun of the suspect behind his back. "He was always in his own little world but was super friendly."

The suspect, who was rumored to be hard of hearing, was known for his odd clothes and the pair of work-out gloves he'd always wear, according to Chalfan. He was often seen carrying a stuffed monkey toy.

Perhaps we will know more in the coming days what Dylan's personal and social life was like, and what his preferred mode of communication? Eccentricity or weirdness does not equate with tendency towards extreme violence.  Even if a deaf person who made a zombie clip mocking another deaf person would not necessarily mean anything other than a person was simply venting or having a bit of fun when all else fails and having a PhD just won't do.

Donald proceeded in his article piece describing his experiences while growing up as a deaf person:

I was born Deaf.  Upon finding I was Deaf, my parents decided to do exactly as Dylan’s parents did: raise him as an “oral” person, meaning we were taught to speak through auditory pathways and to use whatever hearing capacities we had to the best of our abilities.  Unlike Dylan, I was (in my view, fortunately)born too soon to receive a cochlear implant; this technology did not become commonplace until around the 1980s. Through the use of lipreading, hearing aids, intensive and ongoing speech therapy, I learned to speak; my speech is nearly indistinguishable from that of a Hearing person’s.

His speech is nearly indistinguishable from that of a hearing person's? Must've been really hell during all those speech therapy sessions but I'll bite.

But what about the hypocrisy some "Deaf" people have against deaf or hard of hearing people who prefer to speak and listen, even if they know sign language?  As long as speech is intelligible then everything is fine. Speech intelligibility is the important key here rather than how well a deaf person's own voice ranks with that of hearing people. Why even bother? Ever hear a native southerner speak with a deep, southern drawl while chewing on wad of tobacco?

The term "born Deaf" with the capitalized "D" has its own problems, too. As for Donald Grushkin's own hearing loss situation we don't know when Donald was fitted with a hearing aid as a toddler or a young child at age 3, 4 or 5 years old.  Studies have shown that early exposure to auditory input can make a huge, huge difference along with parental involvement.  We don't know exactly how much his hearing loss is or the type of hearing loss he has. Or what his word discrimination is like. Or the whether he derived any real benefits from using his hearing aid that gave him his speech ability that is "nearly indistinguishable from that of a Hearing person’s."

He further described how his life was peppered with bullying experiences and how it was "hell":

Prior to the sixth grade, my family moved to another state, where I entered Middle School. As almost everyone knows, these “tween” years are quite often stressful for many students, especially those who stand out as “different” –intellectually, physically, or socially. Being Deaf, I naturally stood out among all these other Hearing students, and as a result, I experienced extreme ostracism and what today would be termed “bullying” wherein certain students would deliberately use my abilities to lipread and inability to hear against me, in order to elicit reactions they thought were funny.  It is fortunate that my parents are not gun owners, for I can all too easily envision myself at that time taking a gun or two to school and shooting my tormentors.  All too likely, some innocent students would have become “collateral damage” during my expression of rage, if I had done this, and I am thankful today that this never took place.  After two years of this personal Hell, I convinced my parents to allow me to attend a school for the Deaf, where I knew that my being Deaf would NOT be a cause for such bullying.  I cannot begin to express my gratitude for my education within the Deaf world, for without it, I know I would not today be where I am – a successful, happy, married with children Deaf man with a doctorate who teaches at a major state university.

Luckily parents are not gun owners? I'll bite, again, but the most startling revelation was Donald Grushkin's own statement that he could've been the "Dylan Quick" of his day 30 years ago while as a young adult had his parents owned guns at home.

Scary.

He  acknowledged his own past repressed rage because his life was deemed "impossible" to live in a "hearing world" or so it seems.

Of course, not all deaf or hard of hearing people are the "Dylan Quick" kind. In fact, Richie's, who grew up as a deaf person since birth with profound hearing loss. He is a big gun advocate. His own life turned out pretty darned well. He wrote his own rebuttal article piece, "Not all Deaf People are Dylan Quick," against Donald Grushkin's empathy piece.

Some deaf people empathize with the crazed guy who stabbed 14 people in Texas, pointing out the frustration in gaining acceptance with the mainstream given the deafness. I don't buy it.

According to the news, Dylan Quick received his cochlear implant at the age of seven and had fantasies of stabbing people at the age of eight. Is there a correlation? Or was it sheer coincidence? You decide. I was offered the opportunity to hear at the age of six but declined. I was very content and saw no reason to change anything. Thirty-five years later, I have no regrets whatsoever. Furthermore, the technology was crude back then and was in desperate need of being perfected. Now that the technology is much closer to perfection, I will still decline for I am now an old dog who cannot be taught new tricks. However, I have no qualms with younger deaf children being given the opportunity to hear. The younger, the better. Although, I'm more of a stem cell guy.

Was it the deafness that prompted the stabbing or was it the fact he was a loner? Not all loners are deaf nor are all deaf people loners. Some deaf people get along with those who are not deaf while some don't. It could be due to impropriety as deaf people have the tendency to lack familiarity with social norms particularly with humor or sarcasm. Or it could be that people don't have the patience to scribble on a piece of paper to communicate with the deaf person. There are other factors as well. Less than 1 out of 1,000 people can claim fluency with sign language so it is a very rare language. I can assure you the repeated claims of American Sign Language (ASL) being the third (or fourth) most widely used language is a myth. If there was any truth to this, I would encounter a lot more signers in shopping malls or in public settings.

Despite my profound deafness, I have friends who are not deaf, some from high school, some from my childhood neighborhood, and some co-workers. In fact, my oldest friends are not deaf and I see them regularly. They do not know sign language but they are used to me as well as me to them. I also see my former co-workers whenever I'm in the area of my former job. We're close although they don't sign.

My friends who are not deaf won't scribble on a piece of paper nor have they expressed interest in meeting other deaf people. They like me for who I am. Perhaps it's my sense of humor. Also, they don't see themselves as "hearing." Here's a perfectly logical explanation behind this:

Blind people call us "seeing," assuming we are not also blind. The word "seeing" is foreign to us since we don't encounter blind people very often. Since we're deaf, we regularly use the word "hearing," but most hearing people have yet to encounter a deaf person so they are not accustomed to that particular word.

I was born without hearing. I was classified as profoundly deaf since birth. Hearing aids were moot and I stopped wearing them at the age of seven very much to the chagrin of my teachers who insisted I keep them on to maintain my speech. They were sorely mistaken, hearing aids never worked on me but I retained my ability to speak. I do not claim to be educated since I dropped out of high school at the young age of sixteen. I went to college for only one year and realized it wasn't my cup of tea seeing how it would have no effect on my future or my success.

I started using sign language at the age of six and still sign. I sign fluently and easily pass for a native ASL signer. I have deaf friends too but I am also very fortunate to still speak. The thorny issue is that had I been unable to speak, I would not have been able to work in a company. Sure, I could find work in the VRS industry, the government, or at a school for the deaf. Instead, I chose to work as a marketing manager responsible for graphics, writing proposals, ensuring production milestones are met, and making sure our marketing materials are up to date. There are times I wish there were more deaf people working in non-governmental jobs. The level of discrimination is at unbearably unacceptable levels but we also need to look at it from their perspective. Would you hire a Navajo speaker to do the job? Exactly.

Frankly, it is a difficult dilemma. An interpreter just won't cut it, hence my sheer frustration. I usually spell frequently, thus risking misunderstandings when I say something such as, "The animation sequence is messing up the shadow effect." A simple sentence that took me 20 seconds to describe to the interpreter so she could relay it to the person on the other side of the line. Saying it would take only three seconds. Mind you, that was an experienced interpreter. Sometimes it'd take me three seconds to sign something and the interpreter would take 30 seconds to explain it. ASL is funny sometimes.

Anyways, not all deaf person are Dylan Quick so hearing people mustn't fear us.

This is insofar about a deaf or hard of hearing college student who had this lurid and unhealthy obsession to stab people since he was in elementary school. He finally acted out his fantasy to stab people at random. He fulfilled his own wish to hurt or attempted to murder them during the stabbing spree which appears to have been done at random. Quick was mentally unstable. Off his rockers. Nuts. Just like how a culturally deaf man murdered two culturally deaf people with a 20-gauge shotgun. He was mentally unstable. Or the Joseph Mesa case, a Gallaudet University student who murdered another deaf student on campus. Or a culturally deaf woman who murdered her own culturally deaf lover and then cut her up into pieces with a chain saw. No doubt mentally unstable. It's no surprise that deaf people do go out and kill/murder other people whether they're deaf or hearing. They're just a bunch of mentally unstable people who don't know any better. I have no sympathy for them at all. I side with the true victims of the crime. I don't make excuses for them.

Each of us as a deaf or hard of hearing person we deal with adversity in our own ways. Some see themselves as perennial victims, complaining and bitching every step of the way and rail against the "hearing system." Others do not see themselves as victims but see the very people who attacked or looked down on them as simply a bunch of misinformed, uninformed, and uneducated lot. But thank God for my hearing aid, my mother and for her to not put me into a "Deaf school" because I did very well in regular schools, made friends and competed in sports winning national championships otherwise I would not be who I am today. 

Let the self-flagellation begin by some in the deaf community in the effort to assuage their own internal guilt complex.




Hat tip for the help with thanks to Richie B.

Bullying through politics: Echoing a cause but is it right?.

There is an article written by a 15 year old high school student about his bullying experiences in classes committed by his teachers for having an alternative conservative political viewpoints in the great state of Wisconsin with the whole Governor Scott Walker and the teachers union issues in 2011.

My name is Benji Backer and I attend a public high school in Appleton, Wisconsin. I have always supported the public school system and plan to do so for the rest of my life. Many Americans who stand up for the public school system and the unions believe there is no attempt to sway opinion or that students with opposing beliefs are singled out. Unfortunately, experiences I have had with harassment and bullying prove that wrong. This is a timeline of the most extreme cases of harassment and indoctrination I have had in the three different public schools I have attended over the last three years. 

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Teachers presenting a one-sided political view are a problem and they need to be stopped. A school should be a place students can comfortably and safely express their beliefs, learn, grow and form their own opinions. If we want an educated Republic, we need to educate our students in a fair and balanced way.

This article immediately reminded me of my own instances of having a political discussion with a bunch of deaf contributors in Deaf Echo that had an obvious pro-union article piece they wrote called "Madison, Wisconsin - So This is Democracy: An Attack on Education" (go here if you have trouble accessing Deaf Echo's article for an archived version).  Curious, the article got my attention and I decided to contribute to the discussion offering my viewpoints and opinions as a conservative. But somehow, somewhere down the line, a deaf moderator decided that I was making "abusive comments" in my responses and comments. The new Deaf Echo webpage no longer carry comments that were made back in February of 2011.  I suspect this was due to moving the contents in Deaf Echo using a different software and didn't transport all of the older comments during the process. All 43 comments are now missing as insofar per my copy of their online discussion. Feel free to contact me for a copy just to see that I contributed responsibly. No where were my comments deemed as "abusive." Even one contributor who is a native of Wisconsin who didn't like Scott Walker and his approach about the whole teacher unions was puzzled by the moderator's assertion of my so-called writing "abusive comments" in the effort to shut me up and force me out of the discussion.

I just don't get it. I also was turned off and decided not to comment there further. I've seen comments that are disrespectful over there and it was allowed. Yours wasn't disrespectful in anyway nor was it anything that violated their policy and I've read it twice. Scratching my head too. I've seen comments on my own blog that were beyond anything they have ever experienced and I allowed them within reason because I wanted people to see discussions at play so they can understand the issues better. Heck, you and I don't even agree on this issue. And, I think you've done nothing wrong. I guess they don't have the balls.

Certainly. I was courteous and had my facts. They saw it that I was making "abusive" comments.  I saw it as their attempt to bully me out of a discussion because my contribution was not supporting their cause and rancor in their effort to "drive forward" in their home state protest efforts against Governor Scott Walker and teacher unions issue.

Candy made it clear earlier in Deaf Echo's comment section her displeasure of the obvious bias against me as an individual who had a different political opinion using no ad hominems, derogatory remarks, belittling, abusive comments and such.

Moderator: Mike McConnell has been blocked from further commenting on Deaf Echo for repeat violations of our policies. Specifically, writing abusive comments. We do not tolerate this on Deaf Echo. We love a good discussion that drives things forward, and we act aggressively to maintain a good environment for our readers and writers. Our policies can be read about more in depth on our About page.

Candy Sweetblog: I don't see any abusive comments by Mike. Gotta have two polarizing sides to have a good discussions and sometimes some things just don't "drive things forward." I don't see his comments creating a bad environment. Just sayin' Then again, it is your blog.

Nice excuse there. I do have a copy of the whole discussion made by various contributors. It's several pages long containing 43 separate comments. Ask and ye shall receive. And thank you, Candy. She exemplifies the very example that people with alternative viewpoints can debate/argue and can either disagree or agree with the points made, and still be friends.

The one thing people have to remember is that it is their blog, their website Deaf Echo. They can moderate however they see fit, whatever that fits their agenda, and whatever rules they want to make on the fly. But I can't help shake the feeling that I was somehow actually bullied out of a discussion. I seem to be the only person to have an alternative political viewpoint out of all of the people contributing there. Coincidence? Nah. Am I a bullying victim? Nah. I don't see myself as a "victim" in any sense of the word. It's really a crutch excuse to say that. What I see is that people didn't know how to debate with those having alternative, valid political viewpoints. Candy did. They didn't. Their Achilles Heel was to get overly defensive and decided to bully me out by making up some obscure reason that I "violated" their posting policy and that my comments were "abusive." Kind of like charging me as being racist when instead it's the policies I disagree, not because of skin color.

Making up excuses that my comments were "abusive" only goes to show that, yes, bullying through politics, even veiled, can and does happen to anyone, even to a 15 year old student standing up to a bullying teacher who have control of his class and any political discussions.

I believe that the majority of my teachers (and teachers in general) are professional and leave their personal political views out of the classroom. There are a few teachers that have been extremely inspirational to me. Unfortunately, most is not enough. Teachers that do bring a one-sided view of politics into the classroom are attempting to influence students’ opinions. They want to teach us what to think instead of how to think.

The intimidation has not swayed me or made me cower from my beliefs, but I worry about the other students. I'm certain I am not the only one that has experienced this sort of intimidation. My teachers have always talked about bullying, including bullying homosexuals and how wrong it is. I agree one hundred percent. They shouldn’t be bullied, nor should anyone else. But if homosexuals can get equal treatment, why can’t I? Why can’t my conservative friends? If teachers want bullying to end with homosexuals, other races or religious beliefs, they should want it to end with every type of bullying possible, including political views.

Sounds familiar?


Addendum:  Silly me. I should've checked the Wayback Machine to see if it has archived the particular article in question along with the saved (43) comments. Here it is. 

You be the judge.

Addendum II: If you happened to be curious about results of Gov. Walker post win recall election effort go here and see the differences.

Cyberbullying Email Group Discussion from 2010

Here's a copy of a cyberbullying email discussion I was in a few years ago. I believe with what has been happening lately warrants the releasing of this group email discussion for public consumption. 

A known deaf person personally invited me and numerous other well known deaf people in the community to contribute in a private email group discussion on cyberbullying.  All names have been changed using initials only. Some initials do not reflect the same first letter of any names (e.g. first name or last name). Some initials do correspond with either a first or last name. Other initials I have purposedly mixed them up. Some style of writings were slightly modified to avoid detection. Signature lines were deleted to avoid identifying who said what. The purpose here is not about the names or who was doing the discussing. The purpose is to show what went on during those email discussions. This email copy represent about 1/3th of the discussions that went on. It's a long piece of email discussion that I cobbled together for your viewing information.

Again, this is not about names.

This is about a discussion on cyberbullying that went on in a group email discussion. I plan to release more of these email discussions at a later time. For what it was worth the discussion eventually broke down with accusations cropping up and misunderstandings. Some opted out early into the discussion.  This is a long email copy with the opportunity to learn what was discussed by various deaf/hh individuals.

Enjoy.


Note: Two double line breaks signifies a new thread. A single double line break separates comments.



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On Wed, Oct 6, 2010 at 7:28 PM, “S”wrote:

Greetings all,

Lately the subject of cyber attacks and bullying has come up on Deafread and Aslrocks. As you know, its a subject I feel real strongly about and one that I have ZERO tolerance.

Was thinking, since many of you likewise feel the same way, the only way to end this cycle is by taking a stand to say "stop". Such bullying tactics have lead to many individuals being verbally attacked or trashed on blogs and vlogs. Employers have been contacted, families have been hurt, and self-esteem has been destroyed. Fear gives in, and paranoia sets, to the point some don't even blog or vlog anymore. Ridiculous to see oppressive actions on our own community. Its one thing to disagree with one another, its an entirely other thing to set out on a witchhunt. We could achieve far more working together in harmony, in unity, in the best interest of our future generations of Deaf babies and children.

Hence, this message is a simple request. Many of you are aware, and participated in an article I wrote about Zero Tolerance on Racism, which included A*dism.

I would like to do something similar, and get a quote from you about zero tolerance for cyber-bullying attacks, witchhunts, etc.

If you are real serious about seeing such attacks end, then I hope you are willing to show it by participating. By showing quotes from a diverse wide-variety of folks with different backgrounds, my goal is to show the Community that no matter who we are, no matter what we do, no matter that we may strongly disagree on issues, and/or even actually agree on an issue (here's hoping :) for that matter, our discourses, even heated discussions can be healthy, but cyberbullying is not. I think it behooves us to be responsible to ensure such does not continue to happen and such is why, we need to demonstrate this ourselves -- not separately, but together all on the same "page".

That's the gist of it. I look up to you all as leaders in your own right, the passion you bring to shed more light on various issues to help educate each other. This unified effort is to combat one thing, put an end to cyberbullying.

I hope you agree to send me your thoughts by way of a quote. If you think someone else should be added to join this effort, by all means, include them. The more who do join, the less the divide is amongst us.

I would like to post all of our quotes in one article, perhaps as a guest blogger on one of your sites. Would be neat if someone could also asl the piece once its done. The beauty of doing this is to ensure everyone understands one thing we can all agree on: Zero tolerance for cyber attacks and bullying. Such message can do well to actually strengthen our Deaf Community's ties. Who knows? We don't know until we try.

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“L” wrote, 10/06/10

　

There's actually a LOT of history to this effort already. You probably know most of it, but for those who don't, I'd start with: Deaf-Hope The Pact (link).

J, do you have more stories about the already-checkered history of this effort? I remember that X was involved, as was R.

I'm not even sure what ZERO tolerance means, after the fact...

- L.

　

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“P” wrote, 10/06/10:

　

Sounds like a good plan. Article for which reading literature q so I'd know who the audience will be.


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“B” wrote, 10/06/10:

　

My question is simply this: when does it end? I mean, we've come to a full circle in little more than a year. People will do what they want to do -- no amount of leaders can come together and change that.

It is kind of funny how we are asking them to learn something from this. I think we should ask this of ourselves: what are we learning from this experience??

I think if we keep responding to this, it will only fuel the fire.

As an individual among those who are being attacked (cyberbullied, if you may), I think it is best to let it go.

Someone has to or the cycle will never end.

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J wrote, 10/06/10:

B,

Good food for thought.

Which strategy do we pay the higher price? Which strategy do we risk more?

We know for a fact that in recent weeks, gay youth suicides are on the rise because of cyber-bullying. There is now a call to action within the LGBT community.

Do we remain silent with hopes of not adding fuel to the fire?

Or do we risk seeing Deaf people commit suicide because of hatred/ridicule they experience online?

J.


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S wrote, 10/06/10:

Thank you P! Audience are ppl who read blogs and vlogs. Could be in writing, could be as a video. Whole point is to show a variety of us. L, actually, it started long before the Deafhope pact.


J, and other Deaf womyn and myself posted abt putting an end to cyberbullying on Deaf-CommUNITY blogsite abt 4 or 5yrs ago. Zero tolerance meaning we all take a stand together to state we as individuals do not accept cyber-attacks and bullying. Real simple actually, and in our own words, short n sweet.


S.


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“S” wrote, 10/06/10:

Excellent point J!


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“J” wrote, 7 Oct 2010:



B,

Good food for thought.

Which strategy do we pay the higher price? Which strategy do we risk more?

We know for a fact that in recent weeks, gay youth suicides are on the rise because of cyber-bullying. There is now a call to action within the LGBT community.

Do we remain silent with hopes of not adding fuel to the fire?

Or do we risk seeing Deaf people commit suicide because of hatred/ridicule they experience online?

-J

========================================


“B” wrote, 6 Oct 2010:




P,

My question is simply this: when does it end? I mean, we've come to a full circle in little more than a year. People will do what they want to do -- no amount of leaders can come together and change that.

It is kind of funny how we are asking them to learn something from this. I think we should ask this of ourselves: what are we learning from this experience??

I think if we keep responding to this, it will only fuel the fire.

As an individual among those who are being attacked (cyberbullied, if you may), I think it is best to let it go.

Someone has to or the cycle will never end.
============================================



“P” wrote, Oct 6, 2010:

Sounds like a good plan. Article for which reading literature q so I'd know who the audience will be.


====================================
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“L” wrote to “S“, 10/06/10”

Actually, I'm feeling more in line with what B has been saying...

This is structural. It's bigger than us taking a stand. It's a difference between how we each see the force of our own actions against others versus the force of others' actions against us.

It seems related to the whole thing of oppressors not being able to see that they are oppressing, and the oppressed seeing every twitch, with us each having way too much of both oppressor and oppressed inside. Both blinding and blinded...

What I'm seeing out there is, "Yeah? Well, your guy did THIS!" "Oh yeah? Well your other guy did something worse to us!" "Oh yeah?..."

Breaking the cycle means somebody has to be ABLE to say stop and actually HAVE it stop.

At this point, I'm not very hopeful...

- L

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“S” wrote to “L” 10/06/10

In isolation perhaps diff ppl have said stop. But all of us together in one place taking a stand? Nope.


This would be one helluva strong message to our Community. Every effort counts in my opinion. Won't know til we try, eh?
=================================

“L” wrote on 6 Oct 2010 21:12:05 -0700


Actually, I'm feeling more in line with what B has been saying...

This is structural. It's bigger than us taking a stand. It's a difference between how we each see the force of our own actions against others versus the force of others' actions against us.

It seems related to the whole thing of oppressors not being able to see that they are oppressing, and the oppressed seeing every twitch, with us each having way too much of both oppressor and oppressed inside. Both blinding and blinded...

What I'm seeing out there is, "Yeah? Well, your guy did THIS!" "Oh yeah? Well your other guy did something worse to us!" "Oh yeah?..."

Breaking the cycle means somebody has to be ABLE to say stop and actually HAVE it stop.

At this point, I'm not very hopeful...

- L

===================================
===================================

“B” wrote to “S” on 10/06/10”

Then, this is your fight.

All I ask from you is to respect my decision to let this go.

Thank you and good luck.

====================================


“S” wrote on Oct 6, 2010:


In isolation perhaps diff ppl have said stop. But all of us together in one place taking a stand? Nope.


This would be one helluva strong message to our Community. Every effort counts in my opinion. Won't know til we try, eh?

=================================
=================================


“L” wrote to “B” and group, 10/06/10”

“S”

It TAKES all of us to agree, but there IS no "all of us" to agree.

There is a really fundamental dynamic going on here that we're trying to sort of wish away.

B, can you explain it any better?

- L

====================================


“L” wrote on 6 Oct 2010


Actually, I'm feeling more in line with what B has been saying...

This is structural. It's bigger than us taking a stand. It's a difference between how we each see the force of our own actions against others versus the force of others' actions against us.

It seems related to the whole thing of oppressors not being able to see that they are oppressing, and the oppressed seeing every twitch, with us each having way too much of both oppressor and oppressed inside. Both blinding and blinded...

What I'm seeing out there is, "Yeah? Well, your guy did THIS!" "Oh yeah? Well your other guy did something worse to us!" "Oh yeah?..."

Breaking the cycle means somebody has to be ABLE to say stop and actually HAVE it stop.

At this point, I'm not very hopeful...

- L

=======================

“S” wrote on Oct 6, 2010
Excellent point J!

=================

“J” wrote to “B” on im Brune" 7 Oct 2010:


B,

Good food for thought.

Which strategy do we pay the higher price? Which strategy do we risk more?

We know for a fact that in recent weeks, gay youth suicides are on the rise because of cyber-bullying. There is now a call to action within the LGBT community.

Do we remain silent with hopes of not adding fuel to the fire?

Or do we risk seeing Deaf people commit suicide because of hatred/ridicule they experience online?

J


===================================
===================================

“J3” wrote to group on 10/06/10

　

Thanks S for including us. I would like to take some time to read this and all responses. This is not easy one after what we have gone through. Who wants to go through this again? It may be easier just to stay away from cyberworld. But heck no, you are right, we can do better than this.

So which is which... ummm...

===================================
===================================

“P” wrote to group on 10/07/10:

Greetings S et al:

I want to thank you for initiating this collective response. Internet defamation, attacks, harassment via promoting falsehoods and inciting others to attack folks via their workplace, affiliations, and government agencies unjustly is definitely not cool when do you need a quote by?

Also - an ASL and/or international version is very important so if any way i can assist - holler. I understand the temptation to let it drop, to be a turtle. This does not make things go away - it just smolders or emboldens. Too many good voices have gone silent - too many good souls have been hurt. MLK Jr said A man dies when he does not take a stand for that which is just, right and good.

====================================
====================================


“J4” wrote to “J” and “P” 10/07/10:

　

J- I agree with you. S, thank you for starting this important dialogue again


We have nothing to lose by taking a stand together. DeafHope did have a public petition created by a Deaf lawyer to stop Cyberbully together as a community during 2008 at our Tea Party. X was the first to sign it along with Y. Both S and I signed it as well. We did experience backlash for starting the petition but it created a much needed dialogue. It was a proactive statement by us as a community. It was worth it.

Now I think it is time for us to step it up with our personal statements before we lose a Deaf person to suicide. Sure we will experience backlash but we are all in it together to support one another. Prevention instead of reaction goes a long way.

-”J4”

===================================
===================================


“B” wrote to group on 10/07/10:


S and everyone else,

Since my last email asking that my wish to let it go to be respected, I got three emails disagreeing with me, but with serious implications. First, I do not appreciate the emails by J2 and J, I felt they were truly disrespectful to my decision by implying that I may have little or no regard for other Deaf people's lives. It is very insulting.

Consider this perspective: I am respecting the lives of other individuals by not thrusting my opinions of their actions uninvited. It begs the question as to why exactly anyone would want to be travel agents for guilt trips on those who have no desire for these travel packages?

By refusing to respect my decision to let it go rather than to fight it with implications that I contribute to the suicides within our community can and should be construed as an early form of cyberbullying.

As for P, once again I felt disrespected. Rather than agreeing to disagree, my position is now considered "turtle" (which I assume is a thinly veiled analogy to cowardice) and throwing in a quote, by Dr. King no less, saying I'm less of a man than those who wish to fight this? Another example of cyberbullying in its early form.

Sometimes it takes a bigger person to take the brunt of it and let it go than to look for retaliation and being self-righteous.

If you feel it is necessary to bash my decision to let it go, then, please remove my name from this email list.

Once more, thank you and good luck!

-B
===================================================

“S” wrote to group on 10/07/10

　

I would much prefer to see this request done in each site...DR, DVTV, and ASLrocks before final quotes are posted on a blog and done in a video format with ASL and captions. I would feel better knowing that this is an effort to reach out to all and that no one is excluded. Perhaps do request via other deaf forums as well.

Also a message to start fresh, meaning - attempts to rehash is not productive. However, there will be some who might demand apology before being able to start fresh. So we do need to keep that in mind....

I do see why B thinks it might not work, because there will be ppl who feel that they have not reached some sort of closure....

Just sharing my perception...

-S

======================================
======================================

“S” wrote to group on 10/07/10

Also....i am of the opinion that with these request we probably should refrain from using any key words that have cause division.

======================================
======================================

“M” wrote to group on 10/07/10:

　

B,

Your mentioning "implications" of cyberbullying raises the fundamental questions I'm having about this call to action and reflections.

I believe this call by S although noble is too superficial for what is truly needing in this community both in and out of Deaf v/ blogosphere.

What is needing I personally believe as someone who's deeply entrenched in Deaf Cultural and ASL Studies dealing for so many years with all kinds of people both Deaf and hearing is recognizing and respecting the Deaf-centered definitions, social rules, historical ways, and positively potential ways of dealing with crisis. They exist and do work but have been badly battered in the "open" via DeafRead, and yes other "open" Deaf discussion arenas.

Can we begin to discuss cultural as well as personal interpretations of what consists of an insult? What is considered impolite? What is considered insignificant to some but a great insult to one or few? What is considered respect to us or is the same thing considered
hypocrisy to others?

Is pointing out untruths/lies a necessary "insult" or embarrassement that must be avoided? Does it have to do with confidence that comes with a healthy cultural connections with people around us or does it has to do with belittling others or even another culture/language?

Etc etc.

I need to stop now but I know this could become something good. However just quoting and shouting out "stop cyberbullying" won't work. Cuz we seem to have different ideas and ways to deal with it an we haven't even have a collective agreement to cherish and respect our Deafhood, history, Deaf-centered work and fight against a*dism. Etc etc.

========================================

“B” wrote on Oct 7, 2010:

S and everyone else,

Since my last email asking that my wish to let it go to be respected, I got three emails disagreeing with me, but with serious implications. First, I do not appreciate the emails by J2 and J, I felt they were truly disrespectful to my decision by implying that I may have little or no regard for other Deaf people's lives.


It is very insulting.

Consider this perspective: I am respecting the lives of other individuals by not thrusting my opinions of their actions uninvited. It begs the question as to why exactly anyone would want to be travel agents for guilt trips on those who have no desire for these
travel packages?

By refusing to respect my decision to let it go rather than to fight it with implications that I contribute to the suicides within our community can and should be construed as an early form of cyberbullying.

As for P’s email, once again I felt disrespected. Rather than agreeing to disagree, my position is now considered "turtle" (which I assume is a thinly veiled analogy to cowardice) and throwing in a quote, by Dr. King no less, saying I'm less of a man than those who wish to fight this? Another example of cyberbullying in its early form.

Sometimes it takes a bigger person to take the brunt of it and let it go than to look for retaliation and being self-righteous.

If you feel it is necessary to bash my decision to let it go, then, please remove my name from this email list.

Once more, thank you and good luck!

-B

======================================
======================================

　

M2 wrote to “S” on 10/07/10:

As a reader of mostly bloggers with an occasional trip to vlogging sites that were references in the blogs, I have my thoughts that are really irrevelant to this discussion because I do not have a clue as to what happened in 2008. I was not there.

So, I do not know if what I saw constitute "cyberbulling." I think people do it to themselves. I read cyberbulling blogs and do not respond because it is so off base and borders on ludicrous. I can choose to respond and engage in battling words, or I can choose to ignore and be at peace with my decision not to respond. That's where I can understand B's thoughts.

I think we all have to assume responsibility for responding and for engaging in potentially cyberbulling activities when we choose to.

I also think we all ought to be more ready to explain our points of view that could be confusing to others. If I write words that I eventually realize were hurtful, I would apologize quickly.

I don't think our problem is cyberbulling per se, I think the problem is that bloggers/vloggers are not able to look at themselves and acknowledge whether they have had been cyberbullying or wrote harsh words or were confusing readers or what have you.

That happens on both ends of the spectrum. There's no respect for different points of view, and there's no respect for experiences that are so different from the bloggers or vloggers. Does that constitute cyberbullying? I don't know.

It could be ignorance and a hint of arrogance....they think they know better what we need to do.

I think it is a world that invites both awe and repulsion. What do we do about that? I don't know the answer either..

The bloggers and vloggers seem to have ALL of the answers; honestly, I marvel at their knowing everything in life. I wish I knew as much as they do.

M2
========================================

“S” wrote on Oct 7, 2010:

I would much prefer to see this request done in each site...DR, DVTV, and ASLrocks before final quotes are posted on a blog and done in a video format with ASL and captions. I would feel better knowing that this is an effort to reach out to all and that no one is excluded. Perhaps do request via other deaf forums as well.

Also a message to start fresh, meaning - attempts to rehash is not productive. However, there will be some who might demand apology before being able to start fresh. So we do need to keep that in mind....

I do see why B thinks it might not work, because there will be ppl who feel that they have not reached some sort of closure....

Just sharing my perception...

=======================================
=======================================

　

“L” respond to “S” and group on 10/07/10:

Do you think quotes will stop S2? If S2 continues, what are we supposed to do? It only takes one backsliding cyberbully for the whole online community to be thrust back into the same old dynamic!

Can ANY of you get S2 to stop?

I felt that the most recent exposure of what S2's capable of doing was informative to a couple of those who HAD felt that S2 was the "good guy" here, and now realize that he's a BIG part of the problem and needs no longer to have this behavior supported...

J5 has realized that he had crossed the line by calling people names, and has taken steps so that he does not react publicly to taunting such as that S2 did AGAIN yesterday, but that will not be enough going forward if folks like S2 are given a free pass by their friends.

Part of the problem is, as B noted, that cyberbullying is easier to see done TO you than it is to see when YOU are starting to cross over the line, so there needs to be feedback from trusted friends in the backchannel and the ability to actually take HEED of this feedback whenever one of us has crossed the line.

But that takes the "society" part of the "open society". An "open society" that overemphasizes the "open" at the expense of "society" becomes exactly the sort of "Lord of the Flies" situation we have right now. CAN S2's friends tell him when he's crossed the line, and have S2 reign himself in?

- L

========================================
========================================

“X” wrote to group on 10/07/10

The idealist in me

I have always been against cyberbullying and never have condoned or encouraged it. It pains me greatly to see when others respond in a destructive and mean manner. Yes, I would love to see a world where people always treat each other with respect and do not engage in destructive behavior towards others. It would be great if this coordinated response caused many people to see the light and modify their behavior patterns.

The realist in me

Unfortunately, bad behavior always been seen on Internet since the early days. I'm not trying to make an excuse here: it's a simple fact that it's seen everywhere on the Internet across the entire spectrum of users. There are many reasons for this which I won't go into here. It's sufficient to say that people behave very differently on the Internet than in real life. With Internet easier than ever for anyone to access, there are more people present who are not well versed in how to handle negative messages/events.

Even if everyone here today agrees to go ahead with a coordinated response against cyberbullying and other destructive behavior on the Internet, we'll only see a short term effect before it disintegrates back to the old ways. Even if everyone change their behavior tomorrow, it will be inevitable that more people will drawn in and these new people are not attuned to the agreed upon changes. The cycle will repeat itself. In this case, we aren't trying to manage a small group of people, but dealing with a larger population, who don't always follow the same rules, don't know each other personally, don't always get along, respond in many different ways and have their own prejudices and agendas.

The major problems that I have noticed: Not everyone sees cyberbullying in the same light and many times it's a matter of perspective. I've seen too many cases where people who have proclaimed they are against cyberbullying but selectively scold cyberbullies while ignoring/permitting others on their side who engage in the very same behavior.

I think a better approach would be not to aim to eradicate cyberbullying behavior, but to develop effective techniques to deal with these types of behavior on the Internet. Cyberbullying will always exist on the Internet but there are steps to minimize it.

I've tried to model this myself over the years, when I've been attacked numerous times:

1. Always respond in a polite manner, without resorting to degrading comments.
2. Know how to choose the right battles to fight and which ones to avoid.
3. Know when it's best not to respond (most of time, the aim of cyberbullying is to trigger a reaction and while it's very difficult for the person on the receiving end, sometimes the best thing to do is to ignore and not to respond at all.)

Accept the fact that everyone has had different kind of upbringing, were exposed to different things and learned to handle things in different ways. Some of these things they learned or were exposed to may have been positive or were negative. Human nature varies greatly among people. Lastly, it's virtually impossible to change other people's behavior patterns, if they are not open to it.

If there is one thing that I don't like, it's fighting a losing battle. I would prefer to devote my time and energy towards an approach that acknowledges real world factors and will pay off in the end. I may be a bit too pragmatic for my own good but if I see something that will be effective for the long term, I'm all for it.

========================================

B wrote on 10/07/10

　

Be prepared for an heart attack everyone...

I actually agree with M here.

Well said.

=========================================

M wrote on Oct 7, 2010:


B,

Your mentioning "implications" of cyberbullying raises the fundamental
questions I'm having about this call to action and reflections.

I believe this call by S although noble is too superficial for what
is truly needing in this community both in and out of Deaf v/
blogosphere.

What is needing I personally believe as someone who's deeply
entrenched in Deaf Cultural and ASL Studies dealing for so many years
with all kinds of people both Deaf and hearing is recognizing and
respecting the Deaf-centered definitions, social rules, historical
ways, and positively potential ways of dealing with crisis. They exist
and do work but have been badly battered in the "open" via DeafRead,
and yes other "open" Deaf discussion arenas.

Can we begin to discuss cultural as well as personal interpretations
of what consists of an insult? What is considered impolite? What is
considered insignificant to some but a great insult to one or few?
What is considered respect to us or is the same thing considered
hypocrisy to others?

Is pointing out untruths/lies a necessary "insult" or embarrassement
that must be avoided? Does it have to do with confidence that comes
with a healthy cultural connections with people around us or does it
has to do with belittling others or even another culture/language?

Etc etc.

I need to stop now but I know this could become something good.
However just quoting and shouting out "stop cyberbullying" won't work.
Cuz we seem to have different ideas and ways to deal with it an we
haven't even have a collective agreement to cherish and respect our
Deafhood, history, Deaf-centered work and fight against a*dism. Etc etc.
entrenched in Deaf Cultural and ASL Studies dealing for so many years with all kinds of people both Deaf and hearing is recognizing and respecting the Deaf-centered definitions, social rules, historical ways, and positively potential ways of dealing with crisis. They exist and do work but have been badly battered in the "open" via DeafRead, and yes other "open" Deaf discussion arenas.

　

========================================
========================================

J4 wrote to B on 10/07/10:

Hi B. J and I were throwing in our thoughts. I was just having a dialogue. Can u show what I said that was disrespectful to you? This well help me see what I said (unintentionally) to offend you.


======================================
======================================

　

J6 wrote to group on 10/07/10:

I pledge that I will start being diplomatic and start having reasonable dialogue with everyone including K, S, etc. We all need to stop spinning and work towards appropriated solution to the issues.

But will S2 go along with that? Or is his fixation about M, D, B2, DBC, Deafhood is too deep to change for the better?

B, I apologize for my insensitive attitude that I demonstrated to you on your blog two years ago and hope you will forgive me and whenever we meet anywhere in the country, I would like to shake hands to show my secure desire to be friends with you.

J6


=======================================
=======================================

“S” wrote to J6, B, P, K and to group on 10/07/10:

Thank you all for joining this important dialogue. Everyone’s input is respected, valued and appreciated. B, if by saying you don’t want to participate, then I can certainly remove you from this list. I was hoping that although you wish to let it go, you would want to be a part of the discussion. If not, just let me know, thank you.

The points J, M, and K have made are valid. There will always be a “R” or a “S2”. It’s what we choose to do with such comments or cyber-attacks/bullying that is important. From my view, I see a pattern where this issue surfaces almost annually. The educating never stops. Like racism, it rears its ugly head from time to time. Take for example when Obama was elected President, folks thought racism was finally going to end. We know from media publications, racist remarks by the infamous Tea Party about Obama, that this is not true. However, what we do see growing, is a stronger force of people united taking a stand each time it comes up. That is what this is about. Each time it comes up, we grow in numbers to take a stronger stand against cyber attacks and bullying. This doesn’t just mean what happens on the blogs or vlogs, and no matter what culture you belong to, it’s clear bullying attacks when behind scenes where the bullying happens with people sending email threats, calling employers to “squeal” on a person, many of you have experienced this yourselves. This is not acceptable.

P, I appreciate your offer to help. One idea I was toying with, but I don’t have the means to put it together, was to have this be an “infomercial” of the different folks here either defining what it means, or signing stop, or a written quote flashed on the screen – to make it all under 4 mins of course. Basically to make it so that it is “not cool” to attack or bully, so that it becomes a popular thing way to think. That’s what commercials do, shape the way the public should think about an issue or an item. Hope this makes sense. “Next year” we may have a different idea when it comes up again. Like I said, educating folks is an on-going process, it never ends, nor should we ignore it either. I think what I have seen is different folks speaking up on blogs and vlogs. Which is a good thing and needs to continue. But all of us from different backgrounds, together sharing and supporting one message, no.

Thanks to those of you who are considering working on this collectively. May the dialogue continue.....


======================================
======================================

　

“S3” wrote on 10/07/10:

I like the idea of infomercials. keep things simple....people remember simple messages.


======================================================

　

P wrote on 10/07/10

Hi all

Ah my heart is still ticking B - no heart attack. Just an open heart and marveling at this dialogue. Thank you all. I do want to take a minute to apologize to you B if my quoting MLK made you feel I was targeting you. My intent was very far removed from that. This was my intent and desire:

MLK saying... A man dies when he does not stand for that which is right just and good. "Man" was the dominant language of the time. What he meant was a HUMAN - we as a PEOPLE - when we look the other way we cause more harm than good. It is not a question of manhood - or cowardice as MLK framed it

It is a question of doing right and a plea for our souls so there be no
death of the spirit. Too many good folks have been silent. I fully respect what ever choice you choose B. I am speaking to us as a commUNITY and I understand that folks are at different places and stages and have different needs at this time. I’m sorry you felt I was targeting you.

Feel free to disagree with the position without accusing me of something I did not do. I just stated my values and principles - I do accept that many folks hold different values and truths and opinions.

Please know that if I wanna say something directly to you - I will totally honor your spirit and say it directly. I wont play games - there are no veils coming from these quarters.

re: turtle - I was responding more to J3's comment: " It may be easier
just to stay away from cyberworld." But then he quickly followed it with: "But heck no, you are right, we can do better than this."

My purpose of mentioning the turtle - is because it is a mighty temptation for me too.

M wrote:
“Can we begin to discuss cultural as well as personal interpretations of what consists of an insult? What is considered impolite? What is considered insignificant to some but a great insult to one or few? What is considered respect to us or is the same thing considered hypocrisy to others?

Is pointing out untruths/lies a necessary "insult" or embarrassement that must be avoided? Does it have to do with confidence that comes with a healthy cultural connections with people around us or does it has to do with belittling others or even another culture/language?

These are very important questions and maybe the first step in this dialogue is to have folks within this listing share what they see to be the answers to these questions. This may lay the good groundwork for something much better to come forth.


========================================
========================================

J2 wrote on 10/07/10

At the risk of sounding too brash:

I would like to point out two things:

1) I haven't seen anyone who thinks or has said that cyberbullying is OK or is a cool thing to do. Everyone is against it. The problem is their own perception that what they are doing doesn't count as cyberbullying.

2) This similar approach has been tried before with the Pact. It's obvious by now that it has failed and didn't have the desired effect in the long term. Why repeat something similar? It won't work. Find a different approach.

=======================================
=======================================
　

T wrote to group on 10/07/10:

　
S...thanks for initiating this dialogue. I especially appreciate the diversity of people you included in this email:) I would love to see a stop to the targeting of organizations, members of organizations, and individual naming and name calling. I think we have so much to gain by being respectful of each other. That includes other people's opinions even if they are different from our own. I am sorry that B felt put down for his opinion. I don't think that was the intention of anyone but more that this is a forum to either want to be involved in this project or not. So B...please do stay involved in this discussion.. and I do want to thank you for bringing out the truth on Deafread to the facts of the letter writing to employers. That was very brave of you and honorable.

I would love to see guidelines enforced and some oversight to stop witch hunts and harassment which are all forms of bullying but taken to the extreme of riding the line of slander and libel. Vendettas to destroy people and organizations should be recognized and eliminated on aggregators. There is a difference between freedom of speech and terrorism. Simply not accepting those kinds of vlogs and blogs eliminate the chances an aggregator becoming infested by people that simply have agendas to harm others because they feel they have been slighted or owed apologies.

As a hearing parent, I am sadden at some of the blogs I read that literally make the D/d people and organizations look horrible, that spread untruths, and basically turn hearing parents who need information desperately away from D/d people, Deaf communities, and the Deaf blogosphere. Because of all the wonderful D/d people who have influenced our family's lives, I am grateful and hopeful through today's technology that other hearing families can make connections they need to be supported. Many times this happens through blogs and vlogs. And we all know that when our D/d children feel supported and accepted, the possibilities are endless for them.

I think all of you have made some very good suggestions and through this dialogue, I hope that we can all come to some kind of consensus on how is the best way to start awareness building of cyberbullying and how to improve the aggregator systems so that people feel safe again participating in today's cyberworld.

I am happy to participate in this...

T

=====================================
　

J wrote on 10/07/10

J2:
I'm glad u pointed that out.
What would be an effective approach to take?
I think we should consider various strategies before settling on one.


======================================

J3 wrote on 7 Oct 2010


At the risk of sounding too brash:

I would like to point out two things:

1) I haven't seen anyone who thinks or has said that cyberbullying is OK or is a cool thing to do. Everyone is against it. The problem is their own perception that what they are doing doesn't count as cyberbullying.

2) This similar approach has been tried before with the Pact. It's obvious by now that it has failed and didn't have the desired effect in the long term. Why repeat something similar? It won't work. Find a different approach.

===================================


“S” wrote on Oct 7, 2010:

Thank you all for joining this important dialogue. Everyone’s input is respected, valued and appreciated. B, if by saying you don’t want to participate, then I can certainly remove you from this list. I was hoping that although you wish to let it go, you would want to be a part of the discussion. If not, just let me know, thank you.

The points J3, M, and K have made are valid. There will always be a “R” or a “S3”. It’s what we choose to do with such comments or cyber-attacks/bullying that is important. From my view, I see a pattern where this issue surfaces almost annually. The educating never stops. Like racism, it rears its ugly head from time to time. Take for example when Obama was elected President, folks thought racism was finally going to end. We know from media publications, racist remarks by the infamous Tea Party about Obama, that this is not true. However, what we do see growing, is a stronger force of people united taking a stand each time it comes up. That is what this is about. Each time it comes up, we grow in numbers to take a stronger stand against cyber attacks and bullying. This doesn’t just mean what happens on the blogs or vlogs, and no matter what culture you belong to, it’s clear bullying attacks when behind scenes where the bullying happens with people sending email threats, calling employers to “squeal” on a person, many of you have experienced this yourselves. This is not acceptable.

P, I appreciate your offer to help. One idea I was toying with, but I don’t have the means to put it together, was to have this be an “infomercial” of the different folks here either defining what it means, or signing stop, or a written quote flashed on the screen – to make it all under 4 mins of course. Basically to make it so that it is “not cool” to attack or bully, so that it becomes a popular thing way to think. That’s what commercials do, shape the way the public should think about an issue or an item. Hope this makes sense. “Next year” we may have a different idea when it comes up again. Like I said, educating folks is an on-going process, it never ends, nor should we ignore it either. I think what I have seen is different folks speaking up on blogs and vlogs. Which is a good thing and needs to continue. But all of us from different backgrounds, together sharing and supporting one message, no.

Thanks to those of you who are considering working on this collectively. May the dialogue continue.....


===============================

J5 wrote on 07 Oct 2010

I pledge that I will start being diplomatic and start having reasonable dialogue with everyone including X, Y, etc.

We all need to stop spinning and work towards appropriated solution to the issues.

But will S3 go along with that? Or is his fixation about M, XX, Y, DBC, Deafhood is too deep to change for the better?

B, I apologize for my insensitive attitude that I demonstrated to you on your blog two years ago and hope you will forgive me and whenever we meet anywhere in the country, I would like to shake hands to show my secure desire to be friends with you.
together all on the same "page".


========================================

Excuses Adult Cyberbullies Make

Adult cyberbullies with their continuing and repetitive nature of bullying online will provide an array of excuses to try and dissuade people that they cannot be a cyberbully. Cyberbullying takes on many forms. Some are insidious in nature racked with compulsions while others behave like children such as a posting a picture of the victim the cyberbully dislike on the web in such a demeaning fashion.

A dissertation written by Warren J. Blumenfeld, Ed. D., on cyberbullying describes it succinctly in his abstract:

Cyberbullying, like face-to-face (f2f) bullying, involves deliberate and repeated aggressive and hostile behaviors by an individual or group of individuals intended to humiliate, harm, and/or control another individual or group of individuals of lesser power or social status. Cyberbullying, however, involves the use of information and communication technologies such as Internet web sites, e-mail, chat rooms, mobile phone and pager text message, and instant messaging. The author discusses the similarities and diference between f2f and cyberbullying, and the psychological dimensions unique to human-computer interactions which tend to increase abusive behaviors, including cyberbullying. In addition, the author proposes the application of social norms theory in research initiatives to address issues of cyberbullying.

Adults and children use the same mechanism and tools when it comes to cyberbullying. They both use the internet web sites, email, chat rooms, Twitter, Facebook, mobile phone and text messaging and instant messaging. There are no descernible differences between adults and children when the intention is to send hurtful, cruel, and intimidating messages to their targeted victims. Those would be "hate mail" types. Both adults and children use their blogs or vlogs to post derogatory comments aimed at their intended victims on a regular basis because "they deserve it" or that "I'm showing people the truth!" They do that with malicious intent and purpose. They also use their websites to post pictures of their intended victims telling readers how ugly they are by comparing them to pictures of ugly creatures, for example. Or conjure up stories, produce cartoons or caricatures, display demeaning pictures, or tell jokes ridiculing or mocking others in such repeated fashion. It's an amalgam of all those things that makes a cyberbully a cyberbully. As we all know technology allows cyberbullies a "shelter" against tangible feedback about consequences of one's actions, which can result in minimized empathy or remorse for the intended target of bullying according to Blumenfeld.

"People who engage in cyberbullying can inflict pain without having to see the effects, which can result in a "deeper level of meaness. People who cyberbully can also communicate their hurtful messages to a wider audience with incredible speed."

And that,

"cyberspace can also inhibit a user's sense of responsibility for actions online."

That alone help increase the level of "meanness" of cyberbullying in an almost discombobulated form of cyberspace interaction.

Blumenfeld provided an example of how a cyberbully would justify his or her actions on why abusive messages were sent online,

"I was only telling the truth. She is ugly, and I felt she had to know it!"

Blumenfeld succinctly put it this way,

"It's about the rationalization-denial of responsibility centers around offering the targets of their abuse needed and useful information."

In short, they "deserved it" and needed to "know it" would be their main excuse or justification for behaving in such a boorish and hateful manner. But in cyberspace it's a world where reality gets distorted.

Blumenfeld explains,

"In a virtual sense, then, cyberspace communication can alter perceptions by becoming a make-believe world, a dream-like experience, even a game in which the rules of real life bullying no longer apply. Cyberbullying can occur any time and any place. Home, there, is no longer a refuge from bullying and harassment."

The Blumenfeld dissertation was a piece on children and teens susceptible to cyberbullying but many instances of cyberbullying children describe exactly the adult cyberbullying situation.

Adult cyberbullying is real. It exists. It has been and continues to be documented. Cyberbullying has happened to other adults just as it happened to other children. Do not be a party to or associate with a known cyberbully because doing so encourages cyberbullying attitudes. Once a cyberbully always a cyberbully. Do not let their excuses or justifications fool or confuse you.

Once a cyberbully always a cyberbully

I'm sure there are instances when a cyberbully stops becoming a cyberbully and realizes the error  of her/his ways such as publicly signing a pact on not to ever be involved in cyberbullying such as the Deaf Hope pact with over 200 signatures.

From this day forward I publicly commit myself to end all violence. Additionally I shall strive to contribute to a safe and supportive cyberspace. I shall neither participate in, encourage, nor endorse any form of cyberbullying.  

In the spirit of femtorship and mentorship and in the spirit of comm-unity, I promise to respect, honor and learn from myself as well as others.  

Sign the Pact  

Signed by on September 27, 2008:

It's unfortunate that Deaf Hope took down the "The Pact" link.

Now, in general, once a person becomes a cyberbully over the internet and doesn't stop then it can become a vicious circle. The circle gets bigger. The hole digs deeper.  A cycle that never ends just to ensure the continuing character assasinations of people by personally going after named individuals. But the maxim "once a cyberbully always a cyberbully" is not always true but in general I hope people would get the gist of where I'm going with this.

The word "cyberbully" can and do apply to adults. A child can cyberbully a child. A child can cyberbully an adult. An adult can cyberbully a child. An adult can cyberbully an adult. Everybody knows exactly what it means and what it's all about. No need to get "technical" about it because it can confuse the matter at heart when it's about bullying. Excessive harassment is bullying gone too far. You can have an adult bully. By convention you can have an adult cyberbully which is an adult who take to the internet (or phone) as the preferred method to harass and bully others. In other words, cyberbullies use their computer screen as their shield because a cyberbully would not ordinarily say those harassing words or comments online to the same person in person.

The legal definition of "cyberbullying":

Cyber bullying refers to any harassment that occurs via the internet, cell phones or other devices. Communication technology is used to intentionally harm others through hostile behavior such as sending text messages and posting ugly comments on the internet.  

The National Crime Prevention Council defines cyber-bullying as “the process of using the Internet, cell phones or other devices to send or post text or images intended to hurt or embarrass another person.”  

Cyber-bullying could be limited to posting rumors or gossips about a person in the internet bringing about hatred in other’s minds; or it may go to the extent of personally identifying victims and publishing materials severely defaming and humiliating them.

From the National Science Foundation on recognizing cyberbullying:

Cyberbullying is not only associated with children and adolescents. The Cyberbullying Research Center website run by Justin Patchin, an associate professor of criminal justice at the University of Wisconsin-Eau Claire, and Sameer Hinduja, an associate professor in the School of Criminology and Criminal Justice at Florida Atlantic University, claims to receive more inquiries from adults than teens.  

"We get a lot of emails, phone calls and comments on this blog from adults who are being bullied through technology. They stress to us that cyberbullying is not just an adolescent problem. Believe me, we know," they write on their website.  

"We know that cyberbullying negatively affects adults too. It's just that we spend the majority of our efforts studying how this problem impacts school-aged youth due to their tenuous developmental stage," they write.

A woman explains that cyberbullying occurs among adults just as well and as viciously, too.

"Cyberbullying does not just apply to children. There are adult groups dedicated to harassing and defaming others as well," says an adult woman in an online article titled "The Anonymous Attacks of Adult Cyberbullying Cross the Line and Enter the 'Real World.'"  

"Cyberbullying does not just apply to children. There are adult groups dedicated to harassing and defaming others as well, along with websites created online specifically to make fun of and demean individuals. These people can be found in communities linked to blogs and chat rooms and they use the disguise of “anonymity” to harass their prey. Sometimes, these bullies will take their online squabbles offline and press people online to harass their prey's family and friends. As a bully myself, then a victim of large-scale bullying, let me tell you my story.

In November of 2006, my grandfather had a massive heart attack. My way of dealing with my pain was to go online and take it out on nameless, faceless bloggers, and I posted things to people that would probably result in me being beaten up if it were said to someone in 'real life.' When one of these people I attacked told me my grandfather deserved his death, I upped my ante, lashing out at these words with racial slurs, vulgar names and just about anything else you can imagine."

These people, despite their differences, are part of a group that has one thing in common-all of them have been impacted in some way by cyberbullying.

Cyberbullying is a huge problem over the internet. Not just among the deaf/hh community but everybody. It's also a problem over cell phones through texting or voice.  There were past public and private discussions on cyberbullying within the deaf/hh community. It continues to be discussed. I have covered the cyberbullying topics several times in my blogs.  Courts have recognized that cyberbullying is not protected speech. People who continue to regularly use the internet to harass, make fun of, defame, attack, spew hate, produce ad hominems and such at private individuals whether the person is an adult or child is a cyberbully in my book. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. Once a bully always a bully. Once a cyberbully always a cyberbully but there is always hope that a bully can change. The only guarantee to not be a bully whether online or in the physical presence is not to behave like one.

Posting rules....and not just for deaf people only.

I've added a painting of Uncle Sam seen on the upper left side of my blog where it is linked to my 2010 blog piece on rules for posting comments in my blog. A very simple guideline that anyone can understand and follow it, even a caveman can do that.  I'm making this blog to clarify the one thing that a few deaf/hh people have brought up recently thinking that if they leave their name behind and I know who that person is they fear that I will delete their comment while still in moderation mode.

So far that has never happened. Go figure.

The rules I've posted back in 2010 are quite explicit and it doesn't matter if a person post his or her comments anonymously or post comments using their name identifiable to the public. To use the excuse that "I don't want to post my name because you will delete my comment because you don't like me" is a pathetic one if not a cowardly excuse. Bottom line, it doesn't matter if you want to post your comments anonymously or attach it with your name. My posting rules are to be followed. That is where I draw the line on whether a posted comment gets accepted.  Extremely few comments do not get published compared to the thousands that do get through. I am a lot more lax than you think when it comes to moderating comments. But, please, please, do not use the lame excuse that just because you think I don't like you and that once you put your name out and I know who you are thinking that I will delete your comment as a result. Hardly. If you follow my posting rules, you're on safe grounds. Abuse your privilege here then expect your comments not to show up. Quite simple, really. Honest injun!

Point of View

Let's get this straight. No one is saying that having different point of views is censorship. As in the case for Deafread, people have been and are trying to force the owner of Deafread through intimidation, protests, slandering, harassing, and conjuring up myths about the owner of Deafread, Tayler Mayer, in order to get him to acquiesce and run an aggregator site that accept only Deaf POV videos and institute a so-called better "R-List." Thus pushing the practice of censoring to the extreme.

What is "censor"?

cen·sor
noun
1. an official who examines books, plays, news reports, motion pictures, radio and television programs, letters, cablegrams, etc., for the purpose of suppressing parts deemed objectionable on moral, political, military, or other grounds.

In fact, Tayler and his moderators do censor what's allowed in Deafread since there are certain requirements to be met in order for a blog or a link to be posted in Deafread. But the big irony is that because of Deafread there are loads of POVs from all kinds of people who are deaf, hard of hearing, late-deafened, culturally deaf, CODAs, cochlear implant wearers, signers and non-signers alike, those who prefer to speak and listen, and hearing parents of deaf/hh kids.

Tayler Mayer made it clear that he does not want to censor Deafread by restricting it even further and have it accept Deaf POVs only but rather have Deaf, deaf, hard of hearing and hearing POVs instead.

One central reason for developing DeafRead is that Jared and I wanted to empower the deaf community; we wanted to allow everyone a voice, a place where people could speak out.

What is censorship?

the actions or practices of censors; especially : censorial control exercised repressively

So what Don and others are advocating? More censorship and control through force and intimidation against the owner of Deafread, and get him to capitulate at all cost.

If Don and others want to create their own aggregator site that accepts only Deaf POVs they are more than welcomed to create an alternative aggregator site that reflect their own policies, rules and ideals. Deaf Village did the same thing by breaking away from Deafread to create its own blog aggregator site. A place to provide aggregated and filtered online content that reflects a spirit of inclusion, collaboration and partnership among the diverse members of the Deaf and Hard of Hearing Community.  They didn't whine and moan for 3 or 4 years when they disagreed with Deafread's actions or policies. They up and left and created their own blog aggregator site in a matter of months which is now in its 4th year.

There's a similar situation for vlogs as well. You have DVTV for signers which is an aggregator site for vlogs via YouTube. At one time people got upset with Tayler Mayer's (DVTV) policy regarding the ground rules on accepting vlogs and decided to create their own vlog aggregator site and the first one was ASLrocks. That attempt failed spectacularly and ASLrocks didn't even last for one year probably due to the rampant cyberbullying that went on.  Next came along Deafcube and it is still going.

Instead of complaining, go out create your own if you're not happy with Deafread. Using the strategy to try and bully Tayler Mayer into changing will not work. That tactic has obviously failed. It's better to hear from all sides than to be fed with only one viewpoint all the time.