I've shaken hands many, many times in my life and I've come across all kinds of handshake responses. Some were good ones and others were just horrible with limp, fishlike like handshake like the one I experienced with a Deaf person at a NAD convention a few years back. This happened twice with the same Deaf person. It was a handshake signal that conveyed lack of confidence and weakness. It wasn't a sweaty handshake but somewhat a moist, fish-like limp handshake. It is the second worse kind of handshake next to a sweaty one. Enough to withdraw your own handshake quickly and avoid that person the next time around.The most important handshakes are when you're establishing a business contact or relationship with a person you're meeting with for the first time (and thereafter). Other handshakes are for social reasons not related to business but still just as important. It's important for deaf people to understand the value of a handshake along with other social cues like eye contact and saying the right words. In other words, strive for the "perfect" handshake and avoid being known as a person with a fish-like, limp handshake that no one wants to shake it with. There is a time and place on how to do the right handshake. Not every handshake has to be a strong, firm one. Social settings dictate the kind of handshake needed.
Of course handshakes between men and women are different, especially when it comes between two opposite sex shaking hands with one hand normally being the bigger hand of the smaller one. And those with small hands, there are ways to counter strong (even crushing) handshakes of a bigger or stronger hand during a handshake. There's a technique in a handshake where you won't feel overwhelmed with an overly aggressive and crushing handshake by an ego driven idiot. A technique that can even prevent hurting your hand. Maybe I'll show you how the next time around? Meanwhile, watch that handshake!
29 comments:
handshakes are old fashion for me. I don't know why we still have it.
But I have shake hands people like that in churches everywhere and even with doctors. It give you a weird feeling. But hand shaking in general make me uncomfortable because I don't like touching people I don't know. I rather smile in greeting.
Mike,
Whenever you receive a weak handshake from a person could mean something how this person regards of who you are.
I rarely get weak handshakes.
No, John. If your handshake is a firm one then it conveys a strong confident message. A weak handshake conveys a lack of confidence or a sign of weakness. There is little or no connection with a limp handshake when compared with a nice firm one. That's the message in our culture in America. Remember, I said other social cues include eye contact, and words used during a handshake.
More on the psychology of handshakes.
Mike,
You get weak handshakes and you should realize why you are getting them.
Yes, I also get strong eye contact with my firm handshakes from others but you are the one complaining that you are not getting them.
You need to rectify your problem rather than rationalize your problem.
There is no problem on my part or anybody else's if they normally have these firm handshakes versus those who habitually have these fishlike limp handshakes just like the picture in my blog. Read Scientific American on the psychology of handshakes. You might learn something new here.
Mike,
Here is part what you said on your post,
"Some were good ones and others were just horrible with limp, fishlike like handshake like the one I experienced with a Deaf person at a NAD convention a few years back. This happened twice with the same Deaf person. It was a handshake signal that conveyed lack of confidence and weakness."
You did mention that you had a problem of receiving weak handshakes.
I think that you might have learned something new here.
You really need to stop the rationalizing and admit that you are the problem, not those that give you the weak, fishy handshake.
John..
Wow, I wonder if you have lost opportunities because you decide to give someone a weak limpy handshake because you didn't like that person or have less than idea view of the person?
This is commmon knowledge and if deaf people want to get ahead in the world, be sure to give others a strong handshake otherwise you can be sure you're not going to get opportunities or good networkings in place. That is how it goes.
This is the advice I've been getting for as long as I've been in the world of work. Give strong handshakes, firm and strong. People, especially men should know how it is....
Then again, typically bullies are the ones that give out weak handshakes despite the fact that bullies tend to think they're all that..handshakes reveals truth about the person giving it.
It doesn't have to be about bullies. It's the perception behind the handshake, the body language, eye contact, and words used during a handshake.
John, again, in the world of business a firm handshake is perceived as being confident. A limp, fishy like handshake won't get you very far. I never said it's a problem for me. It'd' be a problem for the person with a limp, fishlike handshake who go around shaking hands that weak can be a sign of lack of confidence, aloofness, disinterest, weak, etc. The same is true for those with sweaty palms. Wet palms.
Again, read the links, John, and learn about the psychology of handshakes. Candy has it right. You get more opportunities with firm handshakes than weak, fishy ones.
Handshaking in social settings can also present its own set of perception issues.
Candy and Mike,
I don't get any weak handshakes like you both receive.
And Candy, don't assume that I receive weak handshakes.
It is your friend, Mike McConnell complaining that he got weak the handshakes.
Look how many hits Mike is getting here on this blog, it shows that he is getting the same perspective of getting weak handshakes.
And we know you both will continue on rationalizing your beliefs of how righteous you both are.
And we know better already, so accept the fact how people regard who you both are.
There are two kinds of leaders, cause and ego. We know you both are more towards egoism.
This isn't about leaders but about handshakes, John. Again, take the time to read about the psychology of handshakes in the links provided. Confident handshakes have been shown to show positive results than weak ones. It present opportunities.
Each person has it's own handshake, not about the person giving the handshake, too. It's an individual thing.
Oh, about the snark on the hits, John? That's a non-sequitur talk. It doesn't follow. It's also a red herring in an attempt to divert the issue. Nor is it applicable here because the two are not the same thing. It's your way of seeking an opportunity to make those jabs in here.
*stay on topic folks*
*and watch the personal attacks, too. Read the link on rules for commenting in here*
*or it will get removed*
Mike,
You have every right to remove my comment and me from your blog because the truth does hurt you.
I dare you post this comment.
John, the topic is about handshakes. Read the rules. You know better.
.. odd perspective....mind the limp handshake... who cares... guess it is your problem..
Rather it's the person with the weak handshake. If you go around trying to do business with a weak, fishy like handshake, people will probably take you less seriously.
It's not a matter of my problem but the person's doing the weak or god forbid sweaty handshaking. Understand the differences, Mike T.
Is there a possibility that the person has arthritis, recently experienced a hand injury, or really is that weak?
No. It was fishy-weak.
Well, for a woman I have a pretty firm handshake. Comes from years of running two businesses and shaking hands with many ppl. I've learned that a firm handshake with a client or a government buyer can give an impression of confidence and expertise, and with eye contact and a bit of chit-chat, a deal or sale can be sealed quickly.
I had the experience of being in a bank to establish a new business checking account and was going to discuss a business loan. I shook hands with the bank officer, and from his limp and sweaty handshake, something told me not to do business here. I merely asked about account services, saying I was "shopping" around for bank services. Then I left, this time without shaking hands after our discussion.
Ever notice that when a deal is done, ppl shake hands on it? Didn't happen that time in that bank. Took my banking business elsewhere. That bank officer lost an opportunity. Yup, first impression in one's handshake is often all one's got to make that deal with a new client in my case, or to create that new account in the bank officer's case.
Now, if I can just find a way to deal with the bone-crusher handshake without grimacing...
Ann_C
Exactly, Ann. First impression through a handshake. I met several women with a firm handshake that would put the limp, weak handshakers to shame.
John, if a person gave me a weak handshake because he doesn't like me or have a low opinion of me, I simply regard him as weak Loser in my eyes and I will not give him an iota of any respect from then on.
If you shake hand with me in a weak, limped manner, you are a weak Loser to me.
I respect a man who doesn't like me but gave me a firm and proper handshake anyway.
I always feel like I have to count my fingers after.... personally I watch the eyes.
you've covered the handshakes, now your next blog posting should be about pissing contests ;)
Val, yeah. LOL. Maybe a spittin' contest be better?
Kokonut
So, how does one who has small hands give a firm handshake? I try to grasp the other person's hand firmly, but when it's a guy with big hands and he squeezes my hand . . . ouch! Also, I tend to do it the European way, one firm shake only and then let go quickly.
Well check out these guys - they've made Limp Handshaking into an Olympic sport!! LOL http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RW_vuMySeA0&feature=relmfu
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